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Friday, March 31, 2006

Naz's Gamelan Essay

I decided I'd share my South East Asia studies final essay with you guys because I love gamelan and I don't want it to die.

Note: Words in inverted commas do not belong to me and were taken from scholarly sources which will be listed at the very bottom.

So here it is:

Music is a form of expression that over many generations has been a part of the human society. Whether the basic stomping of ones foot, the beating of an African drum, or the intricate strumming of a classical guitar, music exists in every culture of today. One can agree that practically every country in the world would like to claim that they were pioneers of a certain kind of music so they could feel that they possess some uniqueness in their culture. A country like Indonesia however, does not have to worry about possessing uniqueness or claiming to be original makers of a certain kind of music as it is already rich within their culture. For generations, gamelan has been embedded in the Indonesian tradition that it plays an important role in the Indonesian society. The sounds of gamelan can be heard from the islands of Java, Madura, Bali, Lombok and many other Sundanese islands and has even travelled far enough to countries like Malaysia and Suriname because of emigration. On top of that, some have claimed that “the first great composer to express his equivocal love for gamelan music (without any attempt at playing it himself) was Debussy” . This shows how gamelan has expanded throughout the world in different periods of time which shows how influential the culture of Indonesia has been. As one sees the expansion of gamelan throughout the nineteenth and twentieth century one cannot help but wonder, what kind of influence did gamelan have in Indonesia while being colonized by the Dutch? How had it been before? And what is it like now? Has the views of gamelan changed in the Indonesian society after being colonized? Hence, this paper focuses on the evolution of the importance of gamelan in Indonesia and whether perspectives have changed through three stages which are pre-colonial, colonial and post colonial times.

Before their independence, there was really no such thing as the Republic of Indonesia. In fact, the thirteen thousand islands were not united at all and often considered their own cultures to be distinct from one another. In some places, the use of gamelan at that time was only for those who were of high status and was used for special occasion. In Java, “large and elegant ensembles were emblems of royal power and authority”. Thus, the period before the colonization showed that gamelan in Java was not meant for leisure listening. With its instruments symbolizing “natural forces”, gamelan was “treated with a special aura that forged the link to figures of authority, to the kings and princes of the realm” This belief that the instruments would give a form of power to the kings and princes show that their beliefs which probably has to do with them believing in the idea of mother nature because the instruments are made out of natural elements from earth such as wood or copper. Thus, being serenaded by these instruments made of nature would give them the power that nature possessed. On the other hand, on the island of Bali, the Balinese Gamelan Beleganjur was used “in most domains of religious ritual, and state ceremony, and also in the contested spaces of inter-kingdom warfare.” Aside being used for official matters, one can see that the usage of gamelan in Bali seems lot more different than in Java as it is also played for religious ceremonies and when going into battles. Compared to Java, the use of gamelan in Bali seems a lot more significant as it is used even for religious processions. This is probably because Java is an Islamic population which would mean the use of gamelan is not part of the religion processions compared to Bali which majority are Hindu followers. This proves that before colonial times, the use of gamelan had to be incredibly important and also sacred to some cultures of Indonesia.

During the colonization of the Dutch, there was a definite change in the significance of gamelan for the people of Indonesia. The use of gamelan was still for official ceremonies however, the views of the meaning of gamelan had evolved to somewhat a less regal thought. Based on This Earth of Mankind by Pramoedeya Ananta Toer, one sees that the views of gamelan music for Javanese people were portrayed differently than what it used to be. It seemed that the gamelan had become a symbol of weakness to the Javanese society. “Listen to how all the tones wait upon the sound of the gong. That is how it is Javanese music, but that is not how it is in real life, because this pathetic people has still not found their gong, a leader, a thinker who can come forth with words of resolution.” The fact that the author chose to compare gamelan to the people of Java during the colonization of the Dutch shows how the loss for respect to gamelan has emerged throughout the years. The gong, which is used to symbolize a leader in the music, seems in Pramoedeya’s eyes to be non-existent. It also seems that by that time, to a writer like Pramoedeya, gamelan did not seem as regal as it used to be because it is used to symbolize the weakness that the Javanese people have. The gamelan in this book symbolized the routine life that the Javanese seemed to go through, “a people who are unwilling to seek, to search, who just circle around, repeating, as in prayers and mantras, suppressing, killing thought, carrying people into a dispirited universe, which leads them astray, where there is no character.” The choice of words used in the context expresses the feelings that the people of Java are loss and leaderless and do not know how to step up to the Dutch colonization. Thus we see that throughout the years of colonization, the meaning of gamelan has gradually changed to somewhat something of less respect.

After gaining its independence, the existence of ruling kings and bupatis in Indonesia seemed distant. In fact, it was pretty much gone as Soekarno’s dream was to have an Indonesia that possessed national unity amongst all as well as democracy for the people. What this did to gamelan was it essentially eliminated its importance in the world of official matters. In Java, “[a]t the university-level conservatory (Akademi Seni Karawitan Indonesia) one finds…a complete central Javanese gamelan.” However, we also see that “[t]he director, Bustanul Arifin, said he found little value in Javanese music and did not encourage his students to study it. The gamelan now sits covered with dust, touched only to be moved out of the way for performances of Sumatran traditions.” Hence, the once regal and highly appreciated gamelan of Java has now become unimportant to the Javanese society. This lack of appreciation and effort to preserve could eventually disintegrate the Javanese-style gamelan and in the end be long forgotten. However, gamelan in Bali is still highly appreciated and used which is probably because of the high population of Hindus in Bali. Compared to the use of gamelan in Java today, Balinese gamelan beleganjur is practiced “in all important mortuary rituals ngaben (cremation) and memukur (post-cremation purification), processional beleganjur music is indispensable; from grand temple festivles (odalan) to exorcistic rites (mecaru) and majestic ceremonies in honor of the gods and deified ancestors.” Thus, it is safe to say that despite the decrease of Javanese gamelan in Indonesia, the Balinese gamelan beleganjur still remains strong in the Balinese culture. But what is clear too is that looking at post-colonialism, the views of gamelan in Indonesia has become less and less important in this country of rich culture.

For centuries, the gamelan has lived in Indonesia but today, what we are seeing is its gradual deterioration. Perhaps in another hundred years it would become a once admired music. A music that is extinct. It is up to the people of places like Java and Bali to maintain this music in their culture. Before the colonization, gamelan was a symbol of receiving power from nature through its instruments which were made of natural elements for the royalty. It was considered that the playing of the music would somewhat bless those who were going to rule the kingdoms with the same power of natural. However, the colonialism era had highly affected the importance of gamelan in these societies. During colonial times, we see that gamelan had begun to be thought of as unimportant and also backwards. And now, influences of western music have caused many people of this generation to think less of gamelan. With other genres in Indonesia taking over the popular culture, gamelan is now seen as a music that is rare and appreciated only as a traditional music that was once considered regal. Overall, one should note that gamelan is still a part of the Indonesian culture yet; the way it is practiced has definitely changed through pre-colonial to colonial and post-colonial times. It shows that gamelan, once music for the regal or used as warfare has grown to become one of Indonesia’s cultural heritages.

Sources:

Title: Musical Pluralism in Java: Three Local Traditions
Author(s): R. Anderson Sutton
Source: Ethnomusicology, Vol. 29, No. 1. (Winter, 1985), pp.
56-85.

Title: Earth, Fire, Sakti, and the Javanese Gamelan
Author(s): Judith Becker
Source: Ethnomusicology, Vol. 32, No. 3. (Autumn, 1988), pp.
385-391.

Title: Walking Warriors: Battles of Culture and Ideology in the
Balinese Gamelan Beleganjur World
Author(s): Michael B. Bakan
Source: Ethnomusicology, Vol. 42, No. 3. (Autumn, 1998), pp.
441-484.

Title: Gamelan: Occident or Accident?
Author(s): Neil Sorrell
Source: The Musical Times, Vol. 133, No. 1788. (Feb., 1992), pp.
66-68.

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Monday, March 27, 2006

Okay DAMN

These days I hallucinate easier. Mind you, with no substance. It's really a good thing I don't do drugs on a regular basis because God knows what i'll do if I was. I like to say I don't need drugs because I am a drug. Teehee.

I mean, the other day I was walking from Thrifty's to home and I saw this car driving pass me and for like a split second I imagined what if I got run over and broke my legs and my groceries are sprawled all over the place. Man, and the funny part is I'd yell "YOU FUCKER I HAVE NO INSURANCE!". Haha. That was the exact description of my hallucination. Weird eh?

And then there's this other time I was sitting in the bus and like I saw this guy riding a bike and a car driving and imagined the guy on the bike getting hit and the bus would stop and crash into them as well. YIKES. That was a scary thought. I must be THAT BORED to hallucinate like this. I don't want to die or anything I just daydream too much.

So yeah. I've also had some pleasant hallucinations like the other day I was walking on campus and I imagined that suddenly I flew. And like I flew home. And like while I was flying I was flying with birds. It was so nice and windy and a bit cold but I was so happy. Hehe. Okay I should stop and see a therapist. Yes I am aware of my issues. I am insane. But hey! Welcome to my insane mind. This is MY FUCKSPOT. I call it fuckspot because I hate the word B**G. Fuck is the new B**g. Hehe. I know. Weirdo. But somehow the word b**g reminds me of the word snot. I know WHAT THE....??!?!?! Well, b**g would probably be closer to snog. But snogging is fun isn't it? Hehe.

I have to study for my midterms. Computer Science 100! So fun! I really adore Mary Sanseverino. She's so funny! Today, she made an impression of Professor McGonagall. She said she felt that she was like Professor McGonagall because she tells us to take out our CPS clicker thingies and she says it reminds her of Prof. McGonagall when she tells her students to take out their wands. Haha. And then she went in a McGonagall tone "Students! Clickers!" haha. It was so funny. She's insane man.

Anyways, so tomorrow in my South East Asia studies class we're going to learn about pop culture music in Indonesia specifically focusing on Inul Daratista. Heard of her? Maybe my Malaysian friends have but for my Canadian readers, Inul is insane. I mean she's not insane insane like me but she GELEKS like WHOA! okay Gelek (pronounced GAY-LAKE) hehe, is like dancing move yo ass kinda thing but like to the extreme. She makes all the strippers who do erotic dances look like lame-o amateurs. Get my drift? Haha. She's actually a singer of a genre called dangdut. I hate that genre. But maybe someday I will learn to appreciate it. The thing about her gelek-ing is that its so vulgarly sexual that it has become almost controversial. Or perhaps it was controversial. I think I read somewhere that it has. I tried searching for a video of her dancing but unfortunately I could not find any. I have a feeling my prof. has a video to show us tomorrow. So that's going to be fun. I've seen her dance before actually. My friend had a video of her dancing and I was like, OKAY DAMN.

But I did find this:



Courtesy of
http://inul-daratista.tripod.com/

That is her ass. I know, DAMN.

Okay I'll leave you with her ass.

Ciao!

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Sunday, March 26, 2006

Boo Housing

Oh man, only a week left of school. Or something like that. Yeah, a week or two. And then I have no more classes. But I will have exams! Argh! I discovered today that I am not meant to bake. Why? Well, I tried baking instant cookies. Oh you know, the ones where all you have to do is add butter and an egg and stir and put it in a pan thingy and voila! done! BUT NO. It seems I can't even follow simple instructions. I'm like a damn dopehead when it comes to simple tasks. I actually managed to burn the bottom bit of my cookies. I KNOW! What an idiot. Sigh.

Despite my inability to bake, I can cook normal meals! So yeah. I'm not THAT hopeless.

Anyways, last night me, Kristin and Jenn went to Darcy's Pub for one of Jenn's friends birthday thing. Which was ok. Kristin had to go home and write her paper but me and Jenn stayed and actually went to Plan B to dance aka LOOK FOR MR. E. Yes, Mr. E or T. I don't know what I should call him. He's so cute. Oh man, I am becoming his ultimate stalker. Hehe. It's horrible. Ah, just thinking about him makes me smile like a kid receiving presents for christmas. He doesn't know I exist though. Its one of those admire from afar thing. I get bored after talking to my crushes. I find that they don't end up becoming what I want them to be.

For example, B, I had a crush on him last year and admired him from afar. Never thought I'd actually talk to him. And then this year at the Psychos Pub Crawl we were in the same group thing and so we both started talking bla bla bla, and well, he's nice and all but he's not what I wanted him to be. And besides, he was so last year. Haha. Bimbo alert.

And what's funny was that night of the Pub crawl I actually saw Mr. E ! But I was hanging with B all night so I wasn't going to be rude and just drop B like that! Hehe. I crush a lot but I'm not rude. So yeah. Man, Mr. E was looking fine though. Sigh.

Okay enough on crushes. I don't think things are going to be going as planned for next year. We (Me,Kristin, Brian and Steve) didn't get into cluster together. Kristin and Brian got offered for Wallace which means they won't be in cluster. Steve got offered for cluster. As for me, I haven't heard shit so I assume I am not getting into shit. So that means another year of living off-campus. I think I am going to give up with this on-campus bullshit. It is so competitive. Apparently the day the application opened like 300 people applied for cluster within an hour. Jesus! That's insane. But whatever. I really don't want to talk about living on campus anymore as I didn't get in. BOO HOUSING.

This week will be a crazy week. I have an essay, lab and midterm! Woohoo! I am so ready to go home. Where is my fairy godmother when I need her?

Ciao!

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Friday, March 24, 2006

Time and Tide Waits for No Turkey

This week has gone by so fast. I can't believe tomorrow is Saturday. I can't believe how time just doesn't wait for you.

Today was my last tutorial and we were talking about the Turkey issue; should it be part of the EU? Well, we did a pros and cons thing and the class agreed that Turkey should be let into the EU but not exactly now because Turkey does not fulfill the economic requirements that the EU has requested. Well duh! Turkey's GDP isn't exactly top notch (-7.7%) and on top of that their debt with the World Bank and the EIB is probably super high.

I wonder if they'll ever manage to fulfill these economic requirements that the EU has requested. And another question is that do the people of the EU really want Turkey to join them? What I hear is 60% of them say no. It is the politicians who say Turkey should be part of the EU but the citizens themselves say no. Why? Apparently it has to do with cultural differences. I mean, Turkey is so different from the rest of Europe. Its population is 99.8% Muslim which is actually one of the issues the people are arguing. I mean, most of Europe consists of Christians right? So that would mean Turkey would be out of place. And then they say Turkey is so not European. That the things the Turks do are not European-like. That is such a lame excuse. I think it has a lot to do with the religion thing. So, yeah. But then again, the EU motto is to maintain peace and stability in Europe. So why not let Turkey come in?

This last tutorial was probably the funnest one. My TA was telling me that in conferences and discussions that have to do with the EU, the topic of Turkey will always come out even if the convention and talks have nothing to do with Turkey. Haha.

So everyone says in time Turkey will be part of the EU. But its been FOREVER. Turkey had applied to join the EU like in the sixties. Isn't it about time? Well yeah their economy sucks and they are a bigger country with a huge young population but what about the 2004 enlargement? Ten countries had joined the EU. Some of these countries were once under the Bolshevik reign with similiar economical situations and yet, Turkey, oh poor Turkey. Hehe.

So people predict Turkey will join the EU in a few years. Or a decade. The answer is who knows? Anything terrible might happen in the near future that might trigger a war or something and this whole EU-Turkey issue might just drop completely. Or perhaps some sort of war would make the EU want Turkey to come in so there would be more peace and stability. We'll never know. Let's just hope no war happens.

But you know what? My heart feels that the world is about to go through some sort of economic meltdown or major catastrophe. Or something. I don't know. Maybe I'm paranoid. Maybe I yearn for some excitement as I am bored. But I say it because I feel with China's economy rising, it actually has got the EU and the US feel the need to find a way to boost their economies so they can beat China. And perhaps the way they would do it is to bring together all western forces so the east can never win. Or maybe I'm just insane. Haha.

However insane I might be, I still feel things are changing. Yeah, I know things change but its just so scary. We'll never know what's going to happen next. I just hope I get to see some crazy dramatic change. Time has gone by so fast that soon I'll be going home. And before I know it I'll have to come back for uni. Time is insane. It waits for nobody. Like really. Hehe.

Ciao!

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Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Bedtime Thoughts for Naz



So, I am sure you guys have had your fair share of cartoons that you used to (or still) watch as a kid. These past few weeks I had been craving to watch "The Chipmunk Adventure". Never heard of it?

Oh you know, Alvin and the chipmunks and the chippettes go on a race around the world on a hot air balloon sponsored by these two siblings Clause and Claudia who are actually and I quote "quite wealthy and bored". Okay I am not going to ruin it for you but be sure to watch it! Thats if, you like them chipmunks. I had an Alvin and the chipmunks bedsheet when I was a kid so yeah, I was quite the fan.

Cartoons these days don't entice me as much. I mean, I quite enjoy Spongebob but like the Powerpuff girls and Dexter's Lab? So not fun. Hey Arnold! is pretty good. But you know, they just didn't do it as well as they used to. For instance, they can never make X-Men cartoons as good as it used to be. Man, I remember watching that show like a trillion times. I so wanted to be Rogue. The idea that she could suck out any power she wanted and could fly was so damn cool. Hehe. I bet that says something about the kind of person I am. No? Hehe.

If only there were mutants. Okay maybe not. Okay maybe yes. I don't know. I really wish we weren't the only people in the world. That there are other worlds with other types of people beyond this universe that we can go visit. Maybe I am bored of earth. Yes, I think so. I think I've been watching too many sci-fi films. Well, truthfully I haven't. But somehow watching "The Chipmunk Adventure" made me wish that we lived in a world where it IS POSSIBLE to fly around world in a hot air balloon without any passports or immigration and bullshit. Why can't we walk this earth like that? Why the visa? For safety's sake? But why did we invent guns and nuclear anyways? What are we protecting ourselves from? Ourselves? Eh? I don't get it. I want to slap the dude who invented gun powder. Hehe. Hippy Alert.

Anyways, I am going home IN A MONTH! God damn time flies. I can't wait but I am going to miss Victoria too while back home. Duh! All that freedom is going to be less when I go home. And living in KL means transport is less too. Oh how I love the busses of Victoria. They make my life easy. I'd be damned if you saw me on a public bus in KL. Ha! I have been on them though. So don't think I am arrogant. Hehe. Here's an advice from a local of Malaysia, don't bother with them public busses. Take the LRT. It's like the Sky Train basically. It looks better and SMELLS nicer than Malaysian busses.

I think I might have sleep apnea. Maybe. I say this because I find that when I sleep I wake up in the middle of the night trying to breath. And like I don't sleep well because I keep waking up. My dad has it. He has this machine that he uses that would help pump air into his throat at night. It makes the Darth Vader sound at night. Hehe. But this is not something you inherit I don't think. "Obstructive sleep apnea (OSA) is caused by a blockage of the airway, usually when the soft tissue in the rear of the throat collapses and closes during sleep" (Taken from sleepapnea.org). So yeah. Maybe I am just fat. Because I think that could also be the symptom. A Fat throat which leads to lack of air going through, causing one to snore and it gets worst when you're fatter because air just won't go through. EW. I am insanely YUCK. Hehe. But hot. Hehe.

Ok time for bed.

Ciao!

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Monday, March 20, 2006

A Bedtime Story for Kids

Once upon a time in a faraway land there lived this hornbill and this parrot. The hornbill, liked to sleep and chill and mind its own business whereas the parrot, would not stop pissing the hornbill off.

One day, the hornbill visited his friend the munchkin and told the munchkin how awful it was to be neighbours with this annoying parrot. So the munchkin said that Lord Voldermort was looking for a pet parrot and would very much want one that would not shut up.

So the hornbill made a plan. He was going to give the parrot a vast amount of sleeping pills and eventually ship the parrot of to Siberia where You-Know-Who was living as a gift. Yes, You-Know-Who aka Voldermort is in Siberia where the place is lame and smelly and boring.

So finally, the day came where the hornbill was going to give the parrot the pills. And went to sleep the parrot did. How happy the hornbill was as the parrot was no longer talking. The hornbill then put the parrot in cage and handed it to the UPS guy where he then delivered it to the UPS pilot and the pilot flew it to Siberia where another UPS guy picks the parrot in the cage up and delivers it to Voldermort's address in Siberia.

Alas, Voldermort receives a knock on his door. His pet snake Nagini opens the door and finds that there is a parrot. And You-Know-Who says "Who dares sends me this disgusting parrot?" and then the parrot awakes and says "Squark Squark! Voldermort I love you and you will love me for I am the best parrot in the world! I will treat you like king and you will always have me at yor beck and call!". Voldermort looks at Nagini and sighs "You pathetic little thing. But because you will be able to make me feel like I am king then I shall keep you. Come here and call me beautiful! tell me that you love me I order you!". And so, the parrot and Voldermort and his pet snake Nagini lived happily ever after.

What became of the hornbill you ask?

Well, the hornbill lived a peaceful life with his friend the munchkin where he never needed to hear a single talk from the annoying parrot ever again.

The End.

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Sunday, March 19, 2006

My Life Is A Black Abyss - Click on link below to understand title

Wow. Saturday night was fantastic. It was the best sleep of my life. I mean. DAMN. On top of that, I made money off sleeping! Yes! I was babysitting Ollie my landlady's son but see, he was asleep already while his mum was out. So basically, I just had to make sure he was in bed while I could do anything I wanted! Cool eh? But yeah. I made some money off it. They should have more babysitting jobs like this. Ones where you can sleep right through. Hehe.

I forgot to announce to the world that my brother is NO LONGER A VEGETARIAN! woohoo! I am so HEPPEH (Again, refer to Robin Hood Men in Tights). So now I don't have to worry about going home and inviting him to throw a barbeque or something. I think we promised my little cousins we'd throw them one before I left last summer but instead I threw a Margarita party for my friends. So, yeah.

I love throwing parties. Its so fun! But not big insane fuck off shiny ones. I usually like to make it less than twenty people. It's more personal that way. Twenty close friends. Big parties are awkward. You end up having to clean up for people you don't know. I prefer it to be cleaning for people I know. This year I don't know what kind of little party I want to throw yet. But it will be fun. I hope.

Anyways, enough on partying.

I am actually doing some research on my presentation due this Friday which is on MTVAsia and how much it has influenced the pop culture of South East Asia.

The point of MTVAsia (according to MTV.com) is to combine the taste of Western music and culture with South East Asia's. But really, it seems when you watch MTVAsia, the influences of western music is more then asian music. When you go to the website, you will see that there seems to be more news on 50 cent, Blue and Kelly Clarkson than there is news on the latest band in South East Asia. Look, I'm not dissing the west because they do make some good music. However, I feel channels like MTVAsia somehow eliminates the original fantastic culture of South East Asia.

They confine music to a certain type i.e Pop, Hiphop, and Rock. We don't really see much range in music. So what we see in South East Asia are people who lack interest in various genres of music. We see teeny boppers battling with each other saying hip hop is better than rock or rock is better than hip hop and the we have the pop lovers who would be all sunkissed thinking that everything is wooppeedoo! When our neighboring South East Asian countries i.e Burma,Vietnam, or Indonesia live in poverty.

On top of that, when exposing local musicians of South East Asia, they expose those who play the SAME genre they intend to expose (Pop, HipHop and Rock) when in reality there are so many other types of music that exist. I am not insulting Pop, Hiphop and Rock. I listen to these kinds of music too and quite frankly like some of it. But what happened to range? Why do we confine ourselves to such small range? It's like they are shaping us to be a certain type of music lover leaving little chance for other genres to come in. It confines the creativity that I think South East Asia potentially has. So much potential yet, oh well.

I probably sound like a fucking South East Asia preacher or something but I am really trying to point out the reality of all this : what we constantly watch whether we realize it or not will eventually influence us. I don't know why I am the way I am. Why do I speak English and not Malay? Why not choose my mother tongue? Why do we think the way we think? What do you think?

I think It's all about our surroundings. Our minds think the way we think because we were brought up with the kind of surroundings to help us think like that. That's why when we enter a new surrounding we judge it. We judge because we are used to our personal surroundings that when we meet a surrounding different from ours we cannot help but compare it to our own surroundings. It could be positive or negative. I hate judging even though I do it. But we all do it don't we? We all think being fair is beautiful in South East Asia when in North America being tan is hot. We all think skinny is nice and fat is bad even though we try not to. It's funny yeah? Funny how different parts of the world think the opposite or the exact thing. Like I said in my other post : THE MEDIA IS DOING THIS!

Haha. Now I sound like an anti-media bitch. Hehe. No no media don't kill me. I like you but sometimes you like to feed us with crap. Crap that misconstrues our thinking. Crap that creates conformism. Haha. That reminds me of "The Emo Song" on CollegeHumor.com. It is hillarious. In fact I am going to give you the link for it because its so funny it makes me laugh all the time.

Click Here

But yeah media. No, I don't hate you but you do scare me sometimes when you start generating societies that think alike. You scare me when you manage to generate ways of thinking that I never knew would be possible.

Anyways, I guess I should get back to research.

Ciao!

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Saturday, March 18, 2006

St. Patrick's Day Pub Crawl


So St.Patrick's Day was fun. It was! hehe.

We went in quite a large group really. It was Me, Kristin, Heidi, Steve D. aka Whore Chimchampu, Grace, Jenn (not Jenn Adams) and her boyfriend Kyle, Steve R. and his friend Scotty! Woohoo!

We were supposed to be at Diego's by 6.30pm. So we left Kristin's a few minutes after 6 but because the bus was late we got there at 6.30 which was funny because in reality the bus ride actually takes like, seven minutes? The bus drivers were probably having a hectic day too.

I must say, when we got out to get the bus we were like shit! it's still light out! And Heidi was very drunk already because she had six shots of Rum at Kristin's. She kept insisting that we needed like a whole group photo but of course everyone was like, erm, right. It was so damn funny! Ah, I love her. Heidi knows how to entertain me. I swear I laugh EVERYTIME. hehe.

So here Heidi, this is our so called group photo. Three SEPARATE pictures of who came with us to the pub crawl last night. Haha. I tried.

Steve R. and his friend Scotty

Grace, Jenn and Kyle

Grace, Kristin, Me, Heidi and Steve


Anyways, we started at Diego's . I think thats where most of the picture taking was done. We didn't really dance. Most of the time we were sitting there taking LOADS of pictures and watching Heidi do funny stuff likeflirt with a guy in a kilt. Hehe. Isn't St. Patrick's day an Irish thing? Hmmm.

After Diego's was Blue Pearl which was so-so. I knew about this place because there was a famous House DJ that went there last year and I wanted to go real bad but i had no idea where Langford was. It's like so ULU (Pronounced oo-loo) which means out in the boonies. But at least it had 151 which I consider impressive as some of the good clubs in Victoria don't even serve it.

After that we headed to Red Jacket which totally sucked because they think they're so classy but really they're so uptight and it is lame. We only took one classy picture and it was of Kristin and Heidi of which I don't even know when I took. But yeah. You'll see it.

Last but not least Plan B. This club seems to be the last destination for most pubcrawls which probably is a good choice because it is awesome. Oh yeah STEVE R. I HATE YOU FOR WINNING THAT TRIP TO MEXICO. I so want to go! Oh yeah and I got to dance with a super hot latino! hehe. Man I want a latino now! Hehe.

Here are some pictures from last night. I'm not putting them all but I'll just put those that are worthy. Hehe. Enjoy!

Diego's L-R - Scotty, Steve R., Steve D. and Heidi

Diego's - Kristin, Heidi and Me Confused
Diego's - Kristin, Me, Jenn and Kyle

Bus to Langford


Blue Pearl

Blue Pearl L-R - Kristin, Steve R., Kieran, Me, and Heidi

Red Jacket - I don't remember when exactly I took this picture nor does Kristin and Heidi.

Plan B L-R Kristin, Brianne, Heidi and Kieran

Outside Plan B L-R Me, Heidi, Grace, Katrina and her friend

Plan B

So finally! NO MORE PUBCRAWLS PLEASE.

Two weeks in a row man. Ergh. I scrapped my elbow from I don't know how last night. It is strange really. And my toe is KILLING ME. I am a poor injured party animal. Hehe. I hate that term though. Party Animal. I'm NOT! It just looks like it but it's not true. I am an anti-social when I want to be. Like, BIG TIME.

It seems everyone in KL thinks I'm having fun. I mean, I am. But you know, like they look at the pictures and they're like wow she's having fun. Well yeah. Fun is fun but pictures can be deceiving I think. We'll just leave it at that.

But YES. St. Pat's was fun that I won't deny!

Ciao!

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Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Have You Got The Juice?

First and foremost, I'd like to congratulate my little sister Di for officially entering the world of "I'm done with high school"! You will be fine I'm sure. Even though as your tuition teacher I am quite sad you only got a B in your history but at least you didn't fail. In a lot of ways you probably did better than me. Kinda. Sorta.

Anyways, Welcome to the REAL WORLD Di! Unless of course you go back to university then you're back in the world of Academia which isn't bad. Some people stay in it for years to avoid entering the real world. They do their Masters, their Doctrines and finally end up becoming a Professor! Ha! That is extreme. Spending years and years in university is extreme. I couldn't do it. I'm in a lot of ways just about ready to get the fuck out of here and enter the real world.

Yeah, I am indeed anxious to grow up. Always have been and always will be. But I know that piece of paper matters and I WILL get it.

Besides, I've done some pretty insane jobs in my life before university. So I should have a bit of experience right? I mean, having that piece of paper is one thing but having experience in the working world is another. But then again, it is also who you know but thats not the point.

The point is how far would you go to attain the experience you want?

See, I'm sure you all know I want to be a diplomat. THAT is my dream job.

But my dream job is something that requires a degree. I also kind of noticed that all my previous jobs had never lasted long. It made me think if I'd leave my dream job that soon too. I doubt it. See the reason I leave my previous jobs so soon is no, not because I got fired but because I quit. But generally, I'd quit for school. I didn't have like job issues. Okay maybe I did for some. Hehe. I mean, some of the jobs I chose to do were quite tedious. Like DIRECT SELLING. Heh. Bet you can't imagine me doing this:

This was a day in a life of Nadzirah Hashim for two weeks (Yes, TWO GRUELLING WEEKS):

I woke up at 6.45 am to have a shower and have breakfast and wait for my dad to send me to work of which I had to be there at 7.45 am. I mean I know some of you wake up earlier than that but this was pretty intense for me because the pay was low and the hours were long.

But what did I do all day? Woohoo! Here's the fun part. In the wee ours of the morning I'd have to start gathering stocks for the day and count them and put them in a bag that I would be carrying around for the rest of the day. Then, we would gather in the meeting room and our Team Leader (God bless his STRONG soul), would attempt to motivate us. Let me see if I can remember how exactly it went.

Team Leader: Good morning guys!
Everyone: Mmm..(Some will manage to mumble the word morning to make it sound like he was heard)
Team Leader: A new day has come and how are we all feeling? Good? Yes? No? I feel Good! Do you? Alright! Juice to that!

At this point I wanted to yell, DO YOU REALLY FEEL GOOD THIS EARLY? and....Juice?

Everyone: Yes! We feel...good? (the trainees generally had a confused look on their face 24/7 while I daydream and stare around for cute guys or rather imagine that there were cute guys)
Team Leader: Okay, so let's do this! Let's have those happy juices ready to make us all ready to SELL SELL SELL! and remember! SMILE! JUICE BY YOU!

HOOOOLLLLLDDD UP! Juice By You? Excuse MOI? Can someone tell me what he means by Juice by you?

Apparently I didn't know that this was the new slang word for "cool" in the world of corporate direct selling CULTS. Because the next thing I know everybody starts going:

"Juice by you man! "

Guy A: How many sales did you make today?
Guy B: 40!
Guy A: WOW! Juice BY YOUUUUU! (high fiving each other)

Girl A: I didn't make that many sales today
Girl B: Aw. Don't worry , you still have the juice! Juice by you!

Yes, the juice. Must be, THE SMACK. The smack that helps them go through the day knowing they had to walk for kilometers trying to sell this RM10 calculator cum alarm clock cum calendar cum FUCK YOU! It was hell. I had to describe the product for only two weeks and already I was going to die. Sometimes I wonder how people can go through such a routine for years. Okay not neccasarily routine persay but like, saying the same shit OVER AND OVER AGAIN and not get tired of it? Like hello! LIFE DOES NOT REVOLVE AROUND THE PRODUCT!

Anyways, after the meeting we would all disperse into groups and head to our"hot locations" where people would surely buy our product. This is where I have the need to say I feel sorry those consumers in that area. Or consumers in general! We are constantly being attacked by crazy-sometimes-desperate-money-hungry sellers who want us to waste our money on products we might not neccasarily need.

I hated it. I couldn't handle the lame early morning motivation talks because that's just not the way I motivate me. And I mean, I completely hated THE JUICE thing. I mean, their grammar was all wrong for one. And I just ergh, HATE the "Juice by you" bullshit. Shouldn't it had been "Juice on you"? I don't care. The juices in me DON'T FUCKING CARE.

What I had while doing this job was will power and PATIENCE.

But hey! It was definitely an experience of a lifetime. Everyone I knew who found out I was doing this job was like "OH MY GOD! How are you handling this?" or "Jesus, are you crazy?". Yes, especially in a place like Malaysia where the crowd is SO HARD to please.

Malaysians are the kind of people who don't clap when you finish performing, stare at you if you look different, and most of all NEVER give the time of the day for Direct Sellers. I pity them direct sellers. It is a job for the desperate OR THE ENTHUSIASTS like my Team Leader. He had a crush on me. How I know this? Well, he'd call me every night to get to know me for one. And then when I was going to quit he was like NO!!! EW. Haha. But I admire his enthusiasm at work. Something the labour force lacks. JUICE BY YOU on that! haha.

Before you think I am the ultimate quitter, I ended up leaving this job because while I was at work selling my product, this guy who owned a company in the same building of my office offered me another job. And the pay was better and I didn't have to wake up so early and I just wanted to get away from all that JUICE. So I thought. Why not?

It turns out the job he wanted me to do was a slightly upscale version of direct selling. MINUS THE MOTIVATION TALKS. Thank God.

Overall, I must say I learnt so much from these 2 jobs.I learnt that people like to sometimes manipulate the truth aka lie to get the customer to buy the product, that people with lack of organizational skills will leave employees lost and confused, that there are so many ways to sell a product to people, that people DO care what you look like (unlike the world of Academia where its whether you studied or not), that if you have confidence they'd be confident with your product even if it actually sucks, and finally, that no matter where I went, they'd always ask me where I'm from and where I picked up my English. Hehe.

But the conclusion is, SALES AND MARKETING is not for me. I hate selling products. Period. Especially if the product is limited to one range. I just, hated sales.

But yeah, It was ALL ABOUT the experience. An experience I'll never forget.

JUICE ON ME!

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Monday, March 13, 2006

Malaysia's Entertainment Industry

This weekend I had time to catch up with the new gossips that have been going on in KL with a good friend of mine. Oh how i've missed the gossips of Malaysia. Most of my friends are English speaking and we find that the Malay language can really tickle a person. I'm not dissing my language but the things these Malaysian tabloids come up with are hillarious! My friends and I would entertain ourselves by criticsizing all these hillarious stories told by Malay tabloids. It's hillarious because :

1) Their photography studio consists of:
i) One type of lighting - those UGLY el cheapo ones
ii) Limited range of background color for artists to pose
iii) A crappy photographer - he/she tells them to pose LIKE SHIT
iv) A crappy makeup artist/stylist etc.

2) The editorial team would come up with lame headlines like:
i) "Sein & Nana Kahwin Sederhana" - Sein and Nana get married the normal way. SO?
ii) "Fiza Tetap Akan Kahwin" - No matter what, Fiza will marry. AND I CARE BECAUSE...?
iii) "Mawi Bangga Dengan Angkasawan Malaysia" - Mawi is proud of the Malaysian Astronaut. Yes, that's great that we have a Malaysian astronaut but is the astronaut MAWI? WHY DOES HIS HAPPINESS MAKE THE HEADLINE?

Ergh.

ON TOP OF THAT, It is sad but true that there are some freaky looking people (or either that terrible photographers in Malaysia that take bad pictures of these people) who claim they make good music or are talented actors. Or maybe I am just bias. But why would you want to look like this?

Bandi from the band Amuk


HOW EMBARASSING.

Is this a positive "IMAGE"? What image are you trying to portray? EW.

Here's another scary celebrity of Malaysia. It seems she has had a bit too much Botox or voodoo or something.

Anita Sarawak - She's an interesting character I guess. What say you?

Actor Saiful Apek caption says he likes to act as a fag - Even Jesus wouldn't want to look nor act like this guy. EW.

Sigh.

So for my friends in who are Canada reading this, Welcome to the entertainment industry of Malaysia. FULL OF SHIT.

Ok that's too bias. There have been some improvements over the past few years. I must say we have some good musicians portraying NORMAL images or actors who don't look and act ridiculous in the industry. Again, there's the possibility that the press can make them look good or bad. So, maybe the press is making me think they are shit but in reality they're not? hmmm? hmmm.

In my opinion it's the censorship board aka GOVERNMENT. They choose clean and wholesome shows on local television or prefer that every single kissing (just a 3 second kiss) scene is deleted from Western movies because they are afraid of promoting crazy sexcapades from happening amongst the teens of Malaysia. Well newsflash government, it's already happening so why not just get rid of the board?

Everything is pretty much censored in Malaysia. They've caused many of us to become sexually deprived or confused. Those who are gay hide it and those who secretly like sex will not admit it. Only those who have things like ASTRO would be less deprived because (Astro is a television network that is equivalent to Shaw but not as good as Shaw) it manages to censor less and which would make on understand a story better. I mean, don't you feel annoyed when you're not exactly sure what just happened in the movie because five minutes of it were just cut off? How am I supposed to know what they did?

But I guess because IT IS an Islamic country. And Islam doesn't believe in adultry or crazy sexcapades. But that's not all it is. I think this is some hidden political agenda. If I write what I really think and some authorities read this the ISA (Internal Seurity Act) will hunt me down and put me in for questioning. Well, fuck it. There is SOMETHING going on and I am going to get to the bottom of it.

Conclusion : If you can't beat 'em join 'em.

Why do you think I'm joining the government?

Shhhh.



Photos thanks to Bintang Popular@Berita Minggu
Headlines taken from Laman Web Utusan Karya


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Sunday, March 12, 2006

Bastitch

I've had some bad friendships in my life. I mean, they weren't bad but they were just, not the kind of friendship one should keep. I guess it's bad then?

Anyways, so I was going through one of those Myspace profiles and I came across one of these 'friends' of mine. I am not going to mention names. But basically, that person, okay, I am going to nickname that person Bastitch as in, Bastard + Bitch to avoid one trying to figure out what the gender of this person is. Yes, is Bastitch a female or male? Go figure.

Okay so Bastitch, let me just write this down so that I can be done with it. Fuck You! I really don't understand why untill today, every time you see me, you have something against me.

But okay, back to the story, Bastitch had not always had something against me. We've known each other for years. Me and Bastitch didn't really have much in common. I always listened to Bastitch's problem and boy did Bastitch have SOME problems. Bastitch, one could say, was a "problem child". I usually never like using that term but because Bastitch at such a young age had serious issues, deserves it.

Bastitch was never mean to me when we were kids. I mean, we'd hang out and stuff but then when I hit high school it all changed. No, its not one of those we got too cool for each other stories.

Okay okay, it is sort of. Yeah call me a bitch but I stopped hanging out with Bastitch. Why? Well, before high school, Bastitch had did one of those supposedly 'COOL' things to do if you wanted to be a rebel-teenage-angst mambo jambo BULLSHIT. At such a young age! We're not in even in high school and Bastitch thinks it is time to retaliate. I was there when Bastitch commited that LAME act and was like, "what the hell is wrong with this child?"

Anyways, what happened next was, Bastitch got the rest of the wannabes in school to commit this act too! Suddenly Bastitch had a posse of people. Oh how Bastitch felt good. Meanwhile, I just stood there with my what-the-fuck-is-this face and watched as things got worse.

Yup. Obviously, the teachers caught on with this shenannigan. And Bastitch and posse AND I were called in for some sort of talk. Intervention? I don't know. I was like, WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING HERE? The teachers told Bastitch and posse that they know what they're doing and that it is wrong and asked them to admit to their wrong doings and they will be punished less. But when they got to me they realised I did nothing of this sort of FUCKED UP act so they came up with a LAME reason that I was there because I "CURSED A LOT". I was like, WHAT THE FUCK? Haha.

Because of that, I got super mad at Bastitch. I didn't do anything BUT SWEAR A LOT and yet I had to go for some lame councelling session about doing something I didn't even do. Because of Bastitch my year before high school were not exactly pleasant. I should have been enjoying that year but NO, I didn't.

Hence the reason to change friends in high school. Look, I am a loyal friend but when it comes to doing stupid things to be cool, I really dislike. TRULY. Just be yourself Bastitch!

So when I got to high school, Bastitch of course got confused as to why I wasn't around them much but I just went about my business being friends with other people. I'll admit right now I wasn't exactly friendly in high school. But I'm generally not friendly. I'm just open. Different meaning. People say that I have this mean look on my face. Heck, someone once said that I LOOK like a bad girl. Bad girl meaning a so-called rebellious chick. That I give this look like "Been there, done that and I'll kick your ass if you mess with me" kind of thing. Bullshit. I AM INNOCENT. I mean, I was. Heh.

Anyways, back to Bastitch. Things were going fine untill one fine day I found out that my name was written in the school bathroom. It was pretty vulgar in Malay but in English it would mean (I'm about to laugh) THE DAMNED PUSSY. Haha. I am the damned pussy! Gee Bastitch, you're lucky I am the civilized DAMNED PUSSY or I would've come up with MUCH funner words like Bastitch (or worst) and wrote it in the school bathroom! Ergh.

The thing is, I never knew it was Bastitch who wrote those words untill recently. So I never had anything against Bastitch untill I was told by a reliable source like, last year. HOW FUCKED UP IS THAT? I mean, all throughout high school I thought, "Oh, Bastitch seems to be okay with the fact that I'm not hanging with them. That's good. So now I need not worry about anything." WRONG. Apparently Bastitch did hold a grudge. And still does I think. Bastitch is nice to ALL my friends but won't even acknowledge me. Everytime we see each other it's "OMG YOU''RE SO FAT NOW. WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?" in a tone of disgust towards me. I mean, granted I HAVE PUT ON WEIGHT but YOU NEED A MIRROR. See, I didn't understand why Bastitch kept saying that to me EVERYTIME all these years. But after SO LONG I finally knew, that Bastitch did hold a grudge. That Bastitch hated me for I don't know what reason (perhaps, because I LEFT the CLAN) and decided my name deserved to be on the wall of shame along with other girls who people loved to hate. Now I know.

Maybe Bastitch is over it now. Maybe not. Maybe Bastitch will never like me. I don't know. But Bastitch, this post is for you. May you have a happy life with kids that aren't as fucked up as you.

Peace.

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Friday, March 10, 2006

The Review

Mmmm well i'll make this short. Going for a pub crawl tonight with Kathleen. Woohoo! Hopefully, it'll be fun but we shall see.

These past couple of days have been nothing muchos.

Let me just say two things:

Watch:


The Killing Fields - Based on a true story about the genocide conducted by the Khmer Rouge which happened in Cambodia in the 1970s. Told in the eyes of this journalist Sidney Schanberg from the NY Times and also his assistant Dith Pran, the movie let me just say, IS FUCKING MOVING. If I felt something then you'd have to too. But then again I'm a sucker for war movies. It seems anything to do with war and I start to tear. But this movie is highly reccomended by me. In fact, I'm putting it in my list of favourite movies.

Listen:

Elvin Zedo - This guy is refreshing. I was dancing at 5am to him. Loving it. And he's giving away 3 samples of his mixes FOR FREE. Ho yeah! Highly Reccomended.

That is all for now.

Ciao!

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Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Shallowism

Man, what a relief. I managed to complete my essay on the EU on time. You should have seen me, rolling around in bed like a mad woman. It's like, picture one of those scenes where a girl is in an imaginary straightjacket. Yes, an imaginary straightjacket. Where your arms are free but you feel like you're in one anyway. I felt like that. It was insane.

And today, after a gruelling week of losing my appetite and not being able to finish my meals, I managed to finish the incredibly not-so-fantastic cafeteria food in the university. Wow. I am so proud of me. :) It was SO GOOD yet i know it wasn't probably THAT good. It's like one of those meals where if you're not so hungry would taste just normal. However, due to my extreme starvation, it was AMAZING. It felt like I hadn't eaten for 3000 years and this meal was the first meal ever. Mmmm, what an orgasmic feeling. Hehe.

Anyways, I am extremely tired. Extremely. I'm so glad I can now sit back (for awhile) and just chill.

I've been thinking a lot. Like a lot. About everything. And in my heart I wish life was simple. Why do we demand so much? What's the point in having all these materialistic things that we have? Maybe Polpot was right. That the life of an agrarian society would be the best way to live. What? BULLSHIT. Hehe.

I am at a state where I feel like what I'm doing is just a waste of time. That time is a waste of time and that we should just stop time and CHILL. That it would be great if we didn't have to do anything. Like the Nothing song by The Cat Empire.

"Nothing, oh sweet nothing. Today we're doing nothing at all. Lalalalala..O-oh-oh-oh-ah..."

Sigh.

That song reminds me of home. And summer. And just cruising in the Kembara with Raz and Di, or just lying in the living room doing nothing. Absolutely nothing. What a life.

The privellege of doing nothing these days is such a rarity. I guess I sound ignorant. It probably looks like I don't care for those who are desperately looking for a job, struggling to get into university, working their asses and climbing to the top. But why? Why must we climb. Why can't we just chill. Why can't we just relax and keep quiet. Yeah I know, sounds like I want to be dead. That's not true though. I just....

I just...

I guess I just don't know any better. And because of that i'd rather do nothing. I guess I feel that I am at the verge of falling so i figured why not jump ahead to complete the fall? Am i making sense? No? Good.

I never make sense anyway. Sense is just a feeling I don't indulge to feel.

Sigh.

(15 hours later)

Okay want to know something funny? I got distracted while writing this blog and was reading on celebrity gossips and fell asleep. The best part is yet to come : I was reading an article on the world's most we-do-not-know-why-she's-a-celebrity person. Thats right. Paris Hilton. It seems she was sued. I had no idea.

Apparently I had no idea on a lot of things that these celebrities do. And frankly its not my business nor do i care. I just can't believe the press cares that Paris Hilton has nipple slips, Natalie Portman was a guess lecture at a univeristy, or that Lindsay Lohan does coke? Wow. That Lindsay Lohan story was quite fascinating. Haha.

But at the end of the day, they are just people. People do things whether good or bad. So why are they so special? The answer is : THE PRESS makes them special.

They can be our friends and our foes.

Yes, thanks to the press we are aware of things like the 'war' in Iraq. When I say 'war' I mean it was actually more like an invasion. But the press have the ability to misconstrue information to make you think what they want to think. For example, they can make us think that the Iraqis are indeed the enemies or that the American soldiers are the enemies. All they have to do is write it down and include some nice pictures that show something that looks like what they're talking about and bam! our perception can change just like that.

But we can't JUST blame the journalists. They are simply writing what "the paper" wants. So, who is "the paper"? Who is this person who controls what is to be printed out in the paper? Yes, the owner of the paper! And you wonder, who is asking the dude who owns the paper to write all this shit? And what kind of society does he/she hope to achieve when he/she get the readers to read this shit?

Which brings me to my next point. It's (unfortunately) all about WHO you know.

People who have connections with the press have the power to make people think what they want them to think. If I was best friends with all the owners of press companies in the world I'd probably have the power to tell you that the right way to think is not to think so much. I'd give proof that thinking so much could lead to stress and would eventually kill you but hey we're going to die anyway so don't think about that either. Just CHILL. But I don't know any press company owners so lucky you. Hehe.

But It's not just the press. It's everything. Everything we do. In the REAL WORLD. The world of academia is probably the closest thing to what one should call fair.

In the real world, you need to have THE NETWORK to get to the "top" (if that's what you desire). The more important people you know the better. It sickens me to think like this but it is unfortunately true. This is why there are so many social climbers out there. Because they too, want to be at the "top". And in order to be at the top, you need to kiss ass.

Of course, there are some out there who were born lucky. Lucky in a sense that they were born being at the top. Like, Paris Hilton for instance. If her dad didn't own The Hilton and was just a random car salesperson in a small town, you think she'd be where she is now? You think she'd be hanging with all the 'coolest' people? I think not.

And then of course, I hate the fact that to be on top you need money. It seems money causes people to do crazy things. Money makes a person feel in power. Money is apparently, power.

So there.

The conclusion is : The world is shallow.

So should I be shallow too? Oh wait a minute, I am. Sad but true. We can't run away from it but both you and I know you have a little shallowness in you.

Oh well.

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Monday, March 06, 2006

Naz's New Found Mission

The world has definetly turned inside out. I recently heard from my sister that my brother has become A VEGETARIAN! yes! WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU RAZ? Has hell frozen? What did the world do to you to deserve such a CURSE?

I'm sorry for the sudden outburst. Its just, no no its NOT JUST. It's RAZ. It's like saying Naz hates chocolate.

Raz hating meat? No! No way! Apparently he's doing this because he and his current girlfriend want to try something new. Well current girlfriend, I haven't met you yet and i've heard great things about you, so DON'T SPOIL IT! Do you have any idea how hard it is to get on my Good List? YOU HAVE NO IDEA. I am a terrible sister. Once you're on my bad list you stay there forever. Hehe.

Anyways, I know I shouldn't be butting into other people's life but hey! this is MY BROTHER. And that would mean when I come home I can't go "Hey Raz, let's go eat some KFC" or "Dude, Mushroom Swiss Burger jom!" or "Nigz, don't you feel like SOME LAMB?"NO. Now I'll just have to sit there. Staring at my brother chowing down to some greens. Man, this is worst than his past drug addiction. Really man. Can't you be balanced for once? Hehe.

So my new mission : To convert my brother back to an Omnivour.

After all, that IS the way to go. We need all the nutrients we can get to have a good functioning body. PROTEIN. Meat is Protein. Yes there are other sources of protein but come on, what is better than the original source? And besides, this vegetarian bullshit is BULLSHIT. We're all going to die anyway so why not die in style? Meat is cool! Hehe.

Proof that he's not fit to be a Vegetarian is that apparently, he's sick right now. He's been throwing up. For no reason. It's probably because his body feels agitated from the lack of meat. Now let me just say, ARE YOU A GIRL? Girls throw up. Boys throw up ONLY if they're drunk. I'll accept THAT. You shouldn't be doing this! Your body is saying "Dude! Where's the MEAT?" Argh. I am so so shocked and angry. Roar!

The next thing I know he's going to be one of those skinny, smoking, haggard-looking vegatarians. EW. Dude, you WERE cool, but now you're just LAME.

Honestly, I'm not against the whole vegetarian thing. I mean, do what you want to do but It's just that this time its personal. It's Raz. And if you know him you will understand.

I actually had to take a break from writing my LAME essay because this was bothering my head tremendously.

I am going to make a long distance call soon. As soon as I finish my two essays I am going to do what a good sister would do. CONVERT RAZ BACK TO AN OMNIVOUR!

GAH!

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Saturday, March 04, 2006

MARCH = HELL

Oh my God. I have a paper to write and I haven't started. A fucking paper on the effects of the 10 countries that recently joined the EU and I REALLY DON'T WANT TO.

I really have no interest but I know this paper is worth 25%. OH SHIT. I just remembered i also have a fucking comment card due on the same day! MOTHER........!!!!!!!

Oh God. I am in hell. March is hell.

The funny thing is. I still manage to agree to go to TWO pubcrawls. I must think i'm superwoman. Argh!

Seriously, I must have a serious case of "I-can-do-it-all" syndrome. I have 2 labs i have to do, a politics assignment, a presentation, two papers and a fucking midterm! ALL IN MARCH!

March, i hate thee. Get thee behind me!

I guess I should start on my paper eh? Ergh.

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Friday, March 03, 2006

Jaded

I am going crazy. This post is for me to analyze. I find writing helps. Maybe If I wrote down all my jaded symptoms I'll figure out what's the matter with me.

7 Signs to tell that Naz is jaded :

1) She doesn't finish her meals
- Naz ALWAYS finishes her meals. Even if the plate is the size of two plates. She has room. If she doesn't finish her food there's something wrong.

2) She sleeps at the wrong hours
- See, this one is tricky. Sometimes its just because she's been doing it because she's been busy partying or something. But if she has no random reason and tries to sleep at the right hours yet still can't, then we have a problem.

3) She stops making art
- Naz loves photography and constantly searches for things that intrigue her so that she can make her art. But when jaded, she becomes uninspired to do shit so she can't make art.

4) She doesn't know what to buy when she shops
- Generally, when she wants what she wants she'll get it. But if she goes into a shop and doesn't know what she wants then there's definetly something wrong.

5) She throws her favourite pillow on the floor in the middle of the night
- Her baby bantal is her security blanket. Usually, if it drops on the floor she picks it up instantly. But if she doesn't. BIG PROBLEM.

6) She starts questioning about her death i.e how she dies, when she dies etc
- THIS IS A MAJOR PROBLEM. Someone better entertain her quick. However, take note that she isn't suicidal. Just mentally unwell.

7) She stops believing in her future dreams
- Since she was 15, she had aspired to become a diplomat. She pretty much has her life planned. The minute she can't see the plan or somehow feels that she doesn't want to get with the game plan, we all know she's jaded.

Question : So what am I to do?

What can Naz do?

..................................................................................

Je ne sais pas.

Really, I'm lost. Even the world of materialism can't save me now. This is some spiritual cleansing shit needed.

I HATE THIS I hate that i've become jaded. I hate that I find no interest in anything. That all i'd rather do is lie in bed. ALL DAY. ALL NIGHT. ALL WEEK. MONTHS. YEARS. FOREVER. This is definetly abnormal.

Let me just say to my friends and family. It's not you it's me. No, really. This is my personal problem of which i need to resolve. Don't take it like you guys haven't been helping. You guys have and I thank you for trying. This is just a phase. Just a phase.

Phase...

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Thursday, March 02, 2006

The Canada Story

So it's been awhile. The last two days haven't been something to shout about. I mean, I had an anthropology exam which, I most likely didn't do too well in. And then I got my South East Asian Studies midterm back. B. I guess that's quite okay considering I didn't study. Unlike most of my friends here I'm probably the stupidest. Hehe. I AM. Anyone who gets rejected and gets called back from the university must be stupid.

I know, What? Well, here's my story. Here's the story of how I came to Canada.

So it was June 2004 and I had just graduated from the Ontario Secondary School Diploma (OSSD) also known as Canadian International Matriculation Program (CIMP) offered by Sunway College. It was basically like A levels/STPM (a program which many Malaysians would generally take before going to university) but Canadian style.

I can't deny I had so much fun doing CIMP in Sunway. That's why I want to go back to Sunway for summer school! Also, Raz is already there so that means he will drive me to school. Muahaha. And Sunway apparently has some cute Indo's now. AND we all know how Naz feels about Indonesian boys. Must be the accent or something. Haha.

ANYWAYS, back to the story. My dad, as usual was being difficult. I mean, well it was difficult times and he just likes being difficult (like me) so he asked me to come up with a proposal of what I intend to do now that i'm done with this course bla bla bla.

Initially, I was supposed to go to New Zealand. But NZ unfortunately doesn't really have such a great Political Science Department (or so I was told) and I didn't want to go to Australia because EVERYBODY from Malaysia is there. I didn't have much options really. There was the idea of asking me to go to France. That's why I took a French course in KL. It was really so I could go to France and study in their uni (I wish). But it turns out my dad wasn't too keen on it either. He wanted a A SOLID plan. So I was like fine. Since YOU don't like the States and the UK is just too expensive and I DID a Canadian program, why not I just go to Canada?

He bought it. The pitching was good, I showed him I was serious and he pretty much said I could go. Besides, it was way cheaper than the States and UK right? BUDGET BUDGET!

Of course, it wasn't easy. Things I do to make my Papa happy. I mean, he doesn't ask for much but he just likes things a particular way that if I do it wrong he gets all pissy about it. Ergh.

ANYWAYS, hehe. The plan was to apply for UBC. But OH MY GOD it's so hard to get in and DAMN the tuition fees were crazy so I didn't even bother even though I do know UBC has quite a good Political Science Department. Oh well.

So I applied for UVic. My plan B was to go to Malaspina College if I didn't get in. I was almost sure i'd get in. BUT I DIDN'T. I was shattered. My dreams to go to UVic were diminished. As soon as I got my letter of rejection I was like okay plan B. I had to pay CAD150 to apply to fucking Malaspina.

WHEN SUDDENLY, good ol' UVic sends me another email. It went something like this:

Note: Interpreted Naz's style

"Hey, hows it going? Listen, we think you don't suck after all, maybe you should come to UVic. What the hell, ignore the last email WELCOME TO UVIC!"

I was like, OKAY. That was weird. I don't know much about university application decision-making processes, but have YOU ever been rejected and then redeemed back by a University? Is THIS normal? I was like, Wow God you DO LOVE ME. hehe. I can't imagine what the dean or whoever was in charge of admissions was thinking when they decided to reconsider letting me in to UVic. I'm trying to remember if I put my picture. Yes, I did. Hehe. Maybe they were like "She's hot, she should come in" or "She looks like she could create havoc in this country, why not?" OR "You look like a shoppoholic. Great. You can pay our taxes with no returns. This WILL benefit our economy". Hehe.

So, here I am at 2.18a.m Thursday morning and unable to sleep. I'm glad I got the chance to learn and live in this country. Its fucking fun. People here are so nice.

Some people have asked me why I chose BC and not anywhere else in Canada. Well, basically I chose BC because I thought I'd go to UVic for awhile and then try get better grades and transfer to UBC. But you know what? That ain't happening because:

a) I suck so they won't accept me anyway
b) Its too expensive to live in Vancouver
c) and OF COURSE I love UVic!

I've made some fantastic friends in UVic. They are hillarious. You guys rock my world. Woohoo!

Ken, Jenn, Kristin and Brian - Ring Road 1st floor C wing RULES! Although, Ken, you're in Wallace. Hmmm.

Clockwise from left: Me, Margy, Cindy, Heidi, Kristin and Jenn - Pumpkin Pie Night

From left: Lisa, Kristina, Cindy (on the floor), Kristin, Jenn, Steve and Me - My Long Island Tea Party. WHAT A NIGHT.


Ciao!

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