Jaded

I am going crazy. This post is for me to analyze. I find writing helps. Maybe If I wrote down all my jaded symptoms I'll figure out what's the matter with me.

7 Signs to tell that Naz is jaded :

1) She doesn't finish her meals
- Naz ALWAYS finishes her meals. Even if the plate is the size of two plates. She has room. If she doesn't finish her food there's something wrong.

2) She sleeps at the wrong hours
- See, this one is tricky. Sometimes its just because she's been doing it because she's been busy partying or something. But if she has no random reason and tries to sleep at the right hours yet still can't, then we have a problem.

3) She stops making art
- Naz loves photography and constantly searches for things that intrigue her so that she can make her art. But when jaded, she becomes uninspired to do shit so she can't make art.

4) She doesn't know what to buy when she shops
- Generally, when she wants what she wants she'll get it. But if she goes into a shop and doesn't know what she wants then there's definetly something wrong.

5) She throws her favourite pillow on the floor in the middle of the night
- Her baby bantal is her security blanket. Usually, if it drops on the floor she picks it up instantly. But if she doesn't. BIG PROBLEM.

6) She starts questioning about her death i.e how she dies, when she dies etc
- THIS IS A MAJOR PROBLEM. Someone better entertain her quick. However, take note that she isn't suicidal. Just mentally unwell.

7) She stops believing in her future dreams
- Since she was 15, she had aspired to become a diplomat. She pretty much has her life planned. The minute she can't see the plan or somehow feels that she doesn't want to get with the game plan, we all know she's jaded.

Question : So what am I to do?

What can Naz do?

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Je ne sais pas.

Really, I'm lost. Even the world of materialism can't save me now. This is some spiritual cleansing shit needed.

I HATE THIS I hate that i've become jaded. I hate that I find no interest in anything. That all i'd rather do is lie in bed. ALL DAY. ALL NIGHT. ALL WEEK. MONTHS. YEARS. FOREVER. This is definetly abnormal.

Let me just say to my friends and family. It's not you it's me. No, really. This is my personal problem of which i need to resolve. Don't take it like you guys haven't been helping. You guys have and I thank you for trying. This is just a phase. Just a phase.

Phase...