Have You Got The Juice?

First and foremost, I'd like to congratulate my little sister Di for officially entering the world of "I'm done with high school"! You will be fine I'm sure. Even though as your tuition teacher I am quite sad you only got a B in your history but at least you didn't fail. In a lot of ways you probably did better than me. Kinda. Sorta.

Anyways, Welcome to the REAL WORLD Di! Unless of course you go back to university then you're back in the world of Academia which isn't bad. Some people stay in it for years to avoid entering the real world. They do their Masters, their Doctrines and finally end up becoming a Professor! Ha! That is extreme. Spending years and years in university is extreme. I couldn't do it. I'm in a lot of ways just about ready to get the fuck out of here and enter the real world.

Yeah, I am indeed anxious to grow up. Always have been and always will be. But I know that piece of paper matters and I WILL get it.

Besides, I've done some pretty insane jobs in my life before university. So I should have a bit of experience right? I mean, having that piece of paper is one thing but having experience in the working world is another. But then again, it is also who you know but thats not the point.

The point is how far would you go to attain the experience you want?

See, I'm sure you all know I want to be a diplomat. THAT is my dream job.

But my dream job is something that requires a degree. I also kind of noticed that all my previous jobs had never lasted long. It made me think if I'd leave my dream job that soon too. I doubt it. See the reason I leave my previous jobs so soon is no, not because I got fired but because I quit. But generally, I'd quit for school. I didn't have like job issues. Okay maybe I did for some. Hehe. I mean, some of the jobs I chose to do were quite tedious. Like DIRECT SELLING. Heh. Bet you can't imagine me doing this:

This was a day in a life of Nadzirah Hashim for two weeks (Yes, TWO GRUELLING WEEKS):

I woke up at 6.45 am to have a shower and have breakfast and wait for my dad to send me to work of which I had to be there at 7.45 am. I mean I know some of you wake up earlier than that but this was pretty intense for me because the pay was low and the hours were long.

But what did I do all day? Woohoo! Here's the fun part. In the wee ours of the morning I'd have to start gathering stocks for the day and count them and put them in a bag that I would be carrying around for the rest of the day. Then, we would gather in the meeting room and our Team Leader (God bless his STRONG soul), would attempt to motivate us. Let me see if I can remember how exactly it went.

Team Leader: Good morning guys!
Everyone: Mmm..(Some will manage to mumble the word morning to make it sound like he was heard)
Team Leader: A new day has come and how are we all feeling? Good? Yes? No? I feel Good! Do you? Alright! Juice to that!

At this point I wanted to yell, DO YOU REALLY FEEL GOOD THIS EARLY? and....Juice?

Everyone: Yes! We feel...good? (the trainees generally had a confused look on their face 24/7 while I daydream and stare around for cute guys or rather imagine that there were cute guys)
Team Leader: Okay, so let's do this! Let's have those happy juices ready to make us all ready to SELL SELL SELL! and remember! SMILE! JUICE BY YOU!

HOOOOLLLLLDDD UP! Juice By You? Excuse MOI? Can someone tell me what he means by Juice by you?

Apparently I didn't know that this was the new slang word for "cool" in the world of corporate direct selling CULTS. Because the next thing I know everybody starts going:

"Juice by you man! "

Guy A: How many sales did you make today?
Guy B: 40!
Guy A: WOW! Juice BY YOUUUUU! (high fiving each other)

Girl A: I didn't make that many sales today
Girl B: Aw. Don't worry , you still have the juice! Juice by you!

Yes, the juice. Must be, THE SMACK. The smack that helps them go through the day knowing they had to walk for kilometers trying to sell this RM10 calculator cum alarm clock cum calendar cum FUCK YOU! It was hell. I had to describe the product for only two weeks and already I was going to die. Sometimes I wonder how people can go through such a routine for years. Okay not neccasarily routine persay but like, saying the same shit OVER AND OVER AGAIN and not get tired of it? Like hello! LIFE DOES NOT REVOLVE AROUND THE PRODUCT!

Anyways, after the meeting we would all disperse into groups and head to our"hot locations" where people would surely buy our product. This is where I have the need to say I feel sorry those consumers in that area. Or consumers in general! We are constantly being attacked by crazy-sometimes-desperate-money-hungry sellers who want us to waste our money on products we might not neccasarily need.

I hated it. I couldn't handle the lame early morning motivation talks because that's just not the way I motivate me. And I mean, I completely hated THE JUICE thing. I mean, their grammar was all wrong for one. And I just ergh, HATE the "Juice by you" bullshit. Shouldn't it had been "Juice on you"? I don't care. The juices in me DON'T FUCKING CARE.

What I had while doing this job was will power and PATIENCE.

But hey! It was definitely an experience of a lifetime. Everyone I knew who found out I was doing this job was like "OH MY GOD! How are you handling this?" or "Jesus, are you crazy?". Yes, especially in a place like Malaysia where the crowd is SO HARD to please.

Malaysians are the kind of people who don't clap when you finish performing, stare at you if you look different, and most of all NEVER give the time of the day for Direct Sellers. I pity them direct sellers. It is a job for the desperate OR THE ENTHUSIASTS like my Team Leader. He had a crush on me. How I know this? Well, he'd call me every night to get to know me for one. And then when I was going to quit he was like NO!!! EW. Haha. But I admire his enthusiasm at work. Something the labour force lacks. JUICE BY YOU on that! haha.

Before you think I am the ultimate quitter, I ended up leaving this job because while I was at work selling my product, this guy who owned a company in the same building of my office offered me another job. And the pay was better and I didn't have to wake up so early and I just wanted to get away from all that JUICE. So I thought. Why not?

It turns out the job he wanted me to do was a slightly upscale version of direct selling. MINUS THE MOTIVATION TALKS. Thank God.

Overall, I must say I learnt so much from these 2 jobs.I learnt that people like to sometimes manipulate the truth aka lie to get the customer to buy the product, that people with lack of organizational skills will leave employees lost and confused, that there are so many ways to sell a product to people, that people DO care what you look like (unlike the world of Academia where its whether you studied or not), that if you have confidence they'd be confident with your product even if it actually sucks, and finally, that no matter where I went, they'd always ask me where I'm from and where I picked up my English. Hehe.

But the conclusion is, SALES AND MARKETING is not for me. I hate selling products. Period. Especially if the product is limited to one range. I just, hated sales.

But yeah, It was ALL ABOUT the experience. An experience I'll never forget.

JUICE ON ME!