Reflecting Before The Verdict

So our 50th Independence day is a few hours away and I am pretty excited to be at Dataran Merdeka tonight simply because I've never ever been there to celebrate our Independence, ever.

I still haven't bought myself a flag. I should though!

Believe it or not I haven't found a place where they sold one yet. It's like it was everywhere when I wasn't thinking of it but now that I want it it's nowhere to be seen.

Anyhow, I still don't know whether I am truly proud to be Malaysian and frankly am not sure if all this effort would help me figure it all out. But perhaps tonight when I see faces of other Malaysians (and foreigners who want to be Malaysians) gathered together, I will feel something.

We'll see.

Happy Merdeka!!!

Tunku The Musical

Okay, so I went to watch Tunku the Musical.

Honestly, it was, well, hmmm.

Storyline

There is no Tunku to begin with. He's not even there. I mean, you'd think Tunku the musical would be about Tunku Abdul Rahman and how he brought us to Independence but no sir, it is not.

The play starts with the happy joyful day of Independence.

And then it just goes downhill after.

By the end of the first act you'd be like what the fuck? Where's Tunku?

You'll also be asking (well at least, I asked) where the hell are the Indian people? it's like you see them in the background but you'll see that this musical focuses on the racial tension of the Malays and Chinese. From their bickering of the origins of Laksa to whether we should accept interracial couples and shit like that, it seems that the Indians have been neglected (yet again?).

Come second act the scene opens with the elections in 1969. Oh you know, the one that sparked the May 13th Tragedy? Yeah, that one.

The play ends with a cute song. Something to do with wishing they were blind - color blind. You know, so that we're not racist and crap? So, yeah.

Characters

We've got Syed who is like a total bigot.

I don't know who the hell this Syed man is supposed to be because as far as I am concerned, I don't know no Syed in the history books. I assume he is fictitious though. Syed seems to be quite the asshole because he is the one saying the Chinese will take over our country if we do not separate with Singapore so he puppets Tunku to sign the agreement of separation bla bla bla. But the plot thickens as he has a Chinese mistress. Are they trying to imply that he is a hypocrite?

Then there's Paul the journalist who is cynical about everything that goes on throughout the musical. Or is it bitterness? Maybe a bit of both. But he's the dude that unfolds all the stories and as it unravels he would have this "I-told-you-so!" or "I-knew-it!" expression on his face. Of course, during sad scenes his face is sad but it almost seems like his expression also shows "Yes-I-am-sad-to-see-such-atrocities-but-I-also-can't-help-but-say-I-knew-it-and-I-told-you-so!"

There's Malik who's Syed's son who is in love with a girl named Fauziah who happens to be a Chinese girl raised by a Malay family. But still Syed does not approve because she ain't Malay looking or something like that. Malik wants to marry Fauziah but Syed decides to ship him off to England to complete his studies. Malik is pressured to go because he needs to fulfill his duties as a Malay for his country and his people bla bla bla (all this was said by Syed). And so he goes leaving Fauziah super sad. She waits for him for four years.

Fauziah's character is pretty weak. In fact I am not trying to sound all feministy or anything but all the women's characters are weak. Fauziah doesn't do much. Also, on the day Malik returns which happened to be May 13th, she gets raped by a bunch of Malay men because they think she's Chinese.

And then there's the Chinese mistress of Syed (I forgot the name of her character which clearly shows she's insignificant). She seems to believe that Syed loves her and she doesn't want to leave him. IDIOT. He's married bitch. Get a grip.

Setting

Okay, after I got over the fact that this musical was not going to be about Tunku Abdul Rahman, my mind wandered off to the setting of the stage. Very nice indeed. Spot on. The May 13 blood on the floor scene looked really cool and the raping scene was well, vulgar. Although I'm not too sure if the two screens on the stage was entirely necessary.

Overall

It seemed to me (well, I felt it) that the musical was documenting the downfall of Tunku more than anything. It made me remember his "mistakes" in a sense that the separation of Singapore and May 13 tragedy was technically, his fault. Or was it supposed to be Syed's fault? But who is Syed supposed to represent at the end of the day?

I know the color blind song is supposed to be significant. And perhaps they were trying to say that Tunku was "color blind" but honestly the message was not stressed enough for me to see it. It was tangled up with love songs and laksa and unnecessary repetetive videos of Tunku dancing.

I guess I felt that it was really not the right time to show this musical. Not when we're about to celebrate our 50th year of Independence.

I mean, it would have been better of shown in honour of May 13th and for goodness sake don't call it Tunku. I felt like they didn't make him look like the Bapa Kemerdekaan that he was supposed to be but instead a man who was easily influenced by his advisers which in result caused the separation of Singapore and also May 13th - Bapa Senang Kena Influence?

They shouldn't have done that.

Not cool.

Negarakuku?

A recent rap video released on YouTube by a Malaysian student nicknamed NAMEWEE studying in Taiwan brought quite a blow to the government and some Malaysians.

The song is actually in Mandarin or Cantonese (I'm not sure because I haven't actually seen the video on YouTube because my office blocks it) but basically it's not in English or Malay. But I found this site that has a translation to the song. Enjoy!

By NAMEWEE

Literal translation by NICOLE FOO

Intro credits:
2007 Visit Malaysia Year Theme Song
I Love My Country
Negaraku

(Repeat) Check it out, yo, yo, yo.

(Repeat) Negaraku, Negarakuku.

I love my country, only when you have a country you have a home
Only with a home then there will be me, standing here with you
Loudly singing, don’t be afraid
Even though I curse all the time
My song, is just like the durian
Tough and spiky, only
To see if you dare to open it, to look at the truth inside
It can be very stinky, it can be very fragrant
It only depends on what kind of nostrils you have.

Our police is called Mata
Because they have very shiny eyes
Once it’s New Year, they will be very hard working
Holding pens but they will rarely write you a receipt
Because they are thirsty, they need to drink tea
Also kopi-O, want to add sugar?
If they add sugar, their mouths will sweetly smile at you
When you are leaving
They will even go “Tata.”

Negaraku
Tanah tumpahnya darahku
Rakyat hidup bersatu dan maju.

This phenomenon, doesn’t need any improvements
Neither does it need strengthening, the police and the people work together
A cup of coffee keeps our relationship temperate
I so very suka
At least I won’t go home and receive a saman (fine or ticket)
My dad would sure be pissed
I would also kiong kan (swear word in Cantonese for “get raped”), with no car to drive
What to do, this time so very kao lat (an expression, something like aiyo)
With no car, how do I go out and play?
With no car, how do I wage “wild war”? (I don’t know what it means but I assume it has something to do with a girl)
With no car, how do I go and watch ah kua? (transvestites)
This country, I like it very much.

5 in the morning
There’s even a morning call to wake me up
Sometimes a few of them will sing together
When you listen to it, it’s like a love duet
The voice ululates like an R&B song
Even though sometimes they sing until it’s out of tune
Even though sometimes they even sing until their voices break
Some sound like cockerels, but they wake up earlier than them
This way we can know the time to get ready for class and for work
Don’t blame, the government only takes cares of the natives
Don’t blame, we don’t receive equal care
Only this way we can prove that we Chinese are not afraid of hard work
Only this way we can train ourselves to find a solution during hard times
Don’t feel weird about their standards
Because this only shows that we are smart (or capable)
Children who are not spoilt will not be dependant
Because you see some children are still not weaned off breast-feeding.

Rahmat bahagia
Tuhan kurniakan
Raja kita
Selamat bertakhta.

People who hide in government departments are even better (even more capable)
They can do everything so slowly
Even when people are queuing, are cursing stinky lelai (what’s that?)
They’re chill and unfazed
Sometimes they even bring out their kuih
They eat their nyonya kuih
More people will continue queuing up
Even when you curse stinky lelai it doesn’t matter
Because the guard at the side is dreaming
And he won’t scold you one lah.

They wrap up their heads; walk slowly and cross the road slowly
When you pass in the car you even have to let them pass first
The most important thing is to live happily; the most important thing is to live comfortably
Don’t be like the Chinese
Busy the whole day, very tough
We really cannot NOT admire this spirit
Because this is their attitude in life.

(Attitude, attitude)

I’ve been saying good things in this song
I believe those of you who are pissed at me will like this now
The world is peaceful, and full of hope
No one is hurt, there aren’t any riots
You’re so classy, you’re so elegant
Your shit is fragrant, and you don’t curse
You guys are the most high class, every day it’s just romancing

Listening to Guang Liang Pin Guan (this local Chinese artiste)
But he already ran to Taiwan
Private school students graduate
It’s so very tough to get admitted into local universities
Actually we don’t have to get pissed about this issue
Actually this is the a very noble plan by the government
They want us to explore the world, to find new opportunities for ourselves
To learn things and come back and repay the country
This is plan is so great, I can’t quibble about it
All over the world you can see Malaysia’s children
They’re like refugees, so very shiok (expression for orgasm or high)

2007, Malaysia’s having Visit Malaysia Year
The Chinese culture is brought out and paraded
The government doesn’t even care about private school students
The certificate is thrown into the longkang (ditch), just like me

Graduated and went to Taiwan
Learned about things, and got ready to come back to repay my country
I stood on the streets of Taipei with my guitar
But my mouth still sings.

Rahmat Bahagia
Tuhan kurniakan
Raja kita Selamat bertakhta.

*****

Well, what do you guys think?

Personally, in terms of creativity I give him an A + with a golden star.

But of course, he is quite insulting and vulgar with his words. And well, it's upfront too and well, obviously the government isn't going to like THIS.

It's like he's provoking the tolerant attitude that the Malaysians have had for so many years. It's like he's pointing the obvious inequality for other races compared to the bumiputeras. It's like he's basically inviting another May 13 tragedy. "Yay!"

Honestly, does he not realize that sometimes the government is doing this for precautions?

Call me a racist or naive or whatever but I'll tell you this : imagine what would happen if we Malaysians stop tolerating each other. Imagine if we were all racists. Imagine if we all ganged up and wanted to "bring down" other races.

How many people would die?

And who would be the bread winner?

This is why when it comes to race issues and the inequalities in Malaysia, it becomes taboo. I mean, do we really want to have a Ku Klux Klan in this country?

Please, let's stick to tolerance. Or otherwise bugger off this country.

But I'll tell you for free. Racism is everywhere in this world.

You can't run from it ESPECIALLY in the developed nations. Because everybody wants to be rich. And when competition gets tough because you compete with other foreigners who come out of nowhere, well, yeah, racism remarks (whether in front or behind your back irregardless of your impeccable qualification) will follow.

But all that aside, his lyrics pretty much shows some realities that we Malaysians go through i.e government being slow, police can be bribed etc. Those are common complaints in most developing countries of the world so you know, it's no biggie.

And if you're wondering if I am insulted with him rapping about how the people who Azan or read the Quran sound like cockerels. Well, even after reading his own version of translation in Malay and comparing it to the one above, I know for a fact he didn't directly mean to insult Islam.

I mean to me, he's just saying it's a symbol of time to wake up in the morning in Malaysia and also that there are some bad sounding Azan and Quran 5 am readers than some others.

It is to a certain extent insulting to the Imam though as he's the dude who picks the people who will do the Azan and read the morning Quran in the PA system. He should choose those with better voices?

Then again, not many people have beautiful voices. So its not a religion issue. It's just a voice issue.

Isn't it always? Heh.

So yeah, like I said. Insulting to some Malaysians.

So NAMEWEE, I must say that you are very brave and I admire your courage. You should come back and take over MCA (or form your own party) and set things right instead of being in Taiwan. It would be fascinating to see how you could change the country.

I wonder if you can.

But I hear he's in big trouble now. BIG trouble. Like government cabinet big.

Tough luck.

Songs About Malaysia

I'm quite the music enthusiast.

I appreciate all kinds of music. Don't believe me? refer here.

Lately, the Masjid Jamek Putra LRT station has been playing loads of Malaysian patriotic songs. Frankly, I don't really listen to it because I'm too busy listening to my chiPod. And frankly, the sound is so faint I can hardly hear what they're singing. I mean, it's a patriotic song, we're not exactly supposed to appreciate the music. We should be listening to the patriotic lyrics right?

Of course a good melody does help one like and remember the song.

But still, I can't hear the lyrics so I'd rather listen to my chiPod.

But that doesn't mean I don't have some favourites! Hehe.

I went on a google rampage in search for the list of all (or most) of the patriotic songs about Malaysia.

I listened to most of them(over 60 songs - talk about semangat!) and picked out which ones I like. After hearing that many songs I felt like they all sounded the same. But of course some were more significant than others. Some.

Believe it or not you can listen to most of these songs online in a government website. Pretty cool huh?

So here are the winners in no particular order:

• 31 Ogos- Ah, who doesn't know this song sung by Sudirman? Man, that dude was an icon in the 80s. Shame he died. You know you mean something to Malaysia if the government asked you to sing some Malaysian patriotic song. And this song, well, it does make me all excited about Merdeka.

• Rukun Negara - I only like this song because its a song that will help me remember the Rukun Negara. And I evidently need that and perhaps you do too. Refer here to find out if you need to learn this song.
  

• Gemilang Malaysia - Okay first and foremost, this is probably one of the few patriotic songs that starts with a less marching band type music intro. Thats probably the only reason I like this song. Love the kompang sound. Hehe.

• Wawasan 2020 - Favourite quote from song "bukan impian malah kenyataan". Yeah, we'll see about that. I mean it's 2007 and we still have a long way to go to that wawasan 2020 dream. Heh.

• Keranamu Malaysia - I just learnt the lyrics to this song with my little cousins. Yeah, public schools are making the kids learn this song. So cute. Hehe. I love how they say the buruh, nelayan and petani's lives have changed now and how "Pakar IT, pakar ekonomi Jaguh sukan dan juga jutawan Berkereta jenama negara" because we all know most of them DON'T drive Malaysian cars. Nyahaha. Okay, there are those who do but it's probably their spare car. Nice try though.
  

• Bahtera Merdeka - It's got a sad tone to it but its basically a song about how people sacrifice for their country. Like, go to war. A lot of us take this situation for granted because we've been at peace for so many years and the need to call for a soldier is not needed. But I can guarantee you this song would be a huge hit if we were suddenly at war.
  

• Sejarah Pertiwiku - I really like this song first and foremost cos it's keroncong and damn, i love keroncong. It's a song about Malaysia's history. Love it. I don't know why it makes me want to dress in a tight kebaya and like hold one of those old skool umbrellas and my hair is tied loose with a red flower on my left lobe. Haha. I know, what?
  

• Perwira - Its a song you sing to your husband if you go to war. But I swear its got quite a cha cha beat to it which is totally contrasting with what the husband is about to face. He's about to go to war and she's going to do the cha cha. Yay! Party on!

• Putra Putri - This song is another one of those songs that tell all Malaysians they're the ones who can make the country a better place with unity, strength, courage, determination and stuff. It's got a dreamy tone to it. I don't know if people are even listening to the lyrics with the song sounding so melodic.
  

• Malaysia Berjaya - Okay this song sounds exactly like the "Genovia" song from Princess Diaries. No really, it does. It's very marching band worthy type. I like it. Upbeat, happy and short.

• Fikirkan Boleh - I think of my childhood when I hear this song. It's actually a good song to make you think twice before you say "I can't do it".
  

• One Golden Celebration - Well first of all, it's an English song which is quite rare. Secondly, this isn't really a patriotic song is it? But who cares? It's Malaysia related. So I love how they say in the lyrics that there are a million smiles here in Malaysia. Total bullshit. I mean, the government had to put up billboards and write it in the newspaper to remind us to smile damn it! I guess they did that to fill up the one million smiles quota huh? Hehe. But I do like this song. If I were foreigner I would totally want to visit Malaysia cos it's got an authentic and exotic sound to it (note: the flute and the men singing "mari adik-adik, mari abang-abang, mari ramai-ramai, mari bergembira" in the background). Makes Malaysia sound pretty quaint and colorful.

• Malaysia Truly Asia - I really love the intro to this song (again note : the flute?seruling? whatever. it just sounds cool). This song is really again meant for the foreigners. But still, as a Malaysian, I like it. I like how they try to entice the foreigners with the sounds of our traditional music instruments through just one song. On top of that this song is available in 16 other languages. Clever and cunning fusion indeed. On a side note, IS THAT SITI NURHALIZA SINGING? I wish I was her English speech coach. Sigh.
  

• Proud To Be Malaysian - I looked high and low for this song online. Somehow it is unavailable anywhere! boohoo. But I love this song. I mean I was sitting in the loo thinking about it the other day specifically the line "there will always be peace and prosperity and respect for the world community" and my reply to that is as long as we're tolerant people, yes.
  

After my hardcore research on these songs, I STILL am not entirely sure if it helped my quest to find out if I am proud to be Malaysian. I mean, the music did have some effect on me. I like how we blend musical instruments from other cultures into one community. And the lyrics do make me feel kind of feel like I want to get into the proud-to-be-Malaysian spirit.

But then again, I am not about to go and buy myself a flag yet.

Maybe that should be my next task? Buy a Malaysian flag and hang it in my room?

After all, I know Canadians who do that. They are so proud to be Canadian they hang a big giant Canadian flag on their bedroom wall.

Maybe I should try that.

*Still Pondering*

Commercial Break 1

We now take a commercial break from all things Malaysian.

So I went browsing for funny beer ads.

This one made me laugh like hell.

Maybe it was the French guy talking.

Or maybe cause there was a lobster in it. Hehe.

But i've seen it more than once now and it still gets to me. teehee.

Enjoy!


Heineken Lobster - The best bloopers are here

More to come!

Calling All Smart Malaysians

You know, the LRT in Malaysia may not be as rapid, but it gets you where you want to be.

And well, comfort wise, I think it is fine.

Of course rush hour will forever be crowded but on non rush hour times it's pretty much a breeze.

How can one complain about the LRT in Malaysia being too crowded or uncomfortable or slow when the one in Japan or even Indonesia and India are even worst?

They REALLY pack you there in Japan.

For more interesting pictures of Japan click here

The people at Masjid Jamek may yell to move you aside but they sure as hell don't push you in like this

At least the people in Japan squeeze you IN the train. What about Indonesia's trains in Jakarta?

At least our trains aren't this bad right? Picture taken from China Daily

Seriously, stop complaining. At least we get to be inside the train where it's well, safer.

I mean, look at India?



Still complaining?

One mustn't forget that we are not a developed nation yet therefore the level of comfort we receive compared to a developed nation is of course, far away.

Don't talk about the train rides, what about our health care and education?

If I discuss Malaysia's level of health care and education and compare it with a developed nation, of course I'd be complaining Malaysia is crap.

But that is why we need more smart Malaysians back in this fucking country.

If we want our country to be developed, we need the thinkers to be here and not them dodo heads to run the place.

I'm not saying the Malaysians who are currently here aren't smart.

I'm sure there are still quite a bunch of smart Malaysians here I mean, honestly, look around. Malaysia HAS improved.

But at the end of the day, most of the "smart" Malaysians would rather be abroad because well, the pay is high, the standard of living is better, the people are hotter etc.

So because they choose not to contribute their "smartness" to this country, the "less smart" ones have to run it and well, STOP COMPLAINING!

If it's anything the Malaysian government should campaign its "smart Malaysians! stop complaining and serve your country by making this place a better place with your wide knowledge so you don't have to live abroad anymore".

That should blow some steam into these "smart" Malaysian asses.

But yes, of course, who the hell are these smart Malaysians?

Where are they anyway?

Someone should start recruiting them yeah?

My Favorite Things (Food) In Malaysia

A dedication to some of my favorite food in Malaysia.

Sing Along to the tune of the song My Favorite Things sang by Maria from The Sound of Music and enjoy my song! woot!

Cendols on Sundays and Rojak with kacang,
Satay with ketupat and jus oren besar,
Briyani gam kambing with extra kambing,
These are a few of my favorite things,

Dim Sum and Yee Sang while drinking iced water,
Nasi Lemak Boss or maybe Antarabangsa,
Burger Ampang special with lots of cheese,
These are a few of my favorite things,

Keropok with cili sos and karipap kentang,
Nasi Minyak with lots and lots of beef rendang,
One big Teh Tarik or Milo Ice two,
These are a few of my favorite things!

When traffic's bad
When I'm hungry
When I'm feeling sad

I simply remember my favorite things,
And then I won't feel soooo bad!

Catch-22

Ah, history. Everybody has a history. Whether good or bad, we all have one.

A lot of people dislike history. They find it to be dull, boring, and pointless.

But in reality, history is so important.

It helps us learn from people's past mistakes and helps us understand why we are the way we are and why we are where we are today. You'd think with all the history we've learned from the world we'd finally manage to get "it" right.

But of course, there's just too much history to be remembered if we wanted to remember it all.

So the question is : which history is important to remember?

Sigh.

In 22 days, Malaysia will have had 50 years of Independence. That is quite the historical moment isn't it?

It should be.

I mean, think about it, 50 years ago a bunch of men got on a boat (because Tunku Abdul Rahman wanted to instead of flying because he wanted to ponder or something) to go to England to ask for our Independence.

When our Independence was granted he and his crew flew back to Malaysia (then Tanah Melayu) to tell the people that we were granted our Independence and the official date would be 31st August 1957.

It all happened at the Stadium Merdeka. And Tunku Abdul Rahman shouted at the stroke of midnight, with all his might "Merdeka! Merdeka! Merdeka!" and the sea of people chanted along.

Wow.

I wonder how the energy felt like at that moment in time. I wonder if they really felt that "freedom" that was fought for. I wonder if they had that feeling of appreciation because they now had the chance to decide what was best for themselves without any colonizers restricting them. I wonder if at that moment in time, they envisioned ways to make this country a better place.

There are so many wonders that I have concerning what happened during that moment in time, but my biggest wonder is alas, about the upcoming future (22 days in the future to be exact):

I wonder if we, the current generation would actually feel any of those feelings those people might have had?

Would we?

And if we have it, will we flaunt it? Are we proud enough to tell the world that we are, Malaysians?

I have 22 days to figure out whether I really am proud to be Malaysian.

I've never really penned it down directly on my fuckspot you know? I mean I have always said I love my country and that there's all these great and unique things about it and one could/would obviously assume that I am proud to be Malaysian too right?

Well, I guess I am.

But one shouldn't be guessing, one should be certain. This is why I've been writing a lot about things that are Malaysia related. I mean, I even wrote in Malay damn it! Like hello! that is a big step trust me.

In general, this fuckspot covers issues that come to my mind. And most of the time it ranges from social to love to bitching to global to whatever issues that have happened around my the world you know? Hehe.

But this month, it's different. It'll mostly be about Malaysia.

It's to help me see what I really think of this country and whether it is sided towards me being proud, or embarrassed.

So this is my quest for the next 22 days : Am I, Nadzirah Hashim Natt, REALLY proud to be Malaysian?

Perhaps you guys may be able to help me. Or if you are not sure too, we can help each other!

The thing is, to be proud to be Malaysian is to be able to say it out loud. To be able to be willing to defend the country when it is in need. To be able to appreciate all the great things our leaders have given us. To be able to contribute business to boost the countries economy. To be able to remember the Rukun Negara and the national anthem by heart and sing it with might.

But what do we do when the country itself has not fulfilled its side of the bargain?

Are we still going to be proud of the fact that the censorship board is so strict? Are we still going to be proud when there is an obvious one-sided party domination in this country? Are we still going to be proud that we are one of the two countries in South East Asia who are so rigidly controlled by our own government so much so it doesn't really like we're living in a democracy?Are we still going to be proud that we are lacking ambitious leaders to lead us tomorrow?

Which one outweighs the other?

Malaysia has its good and bad and to be proud to be a citizen of this country would mean embracing both the negatives and the positives.

And that is not easy.

But we'll see which one outweighs the other.

*Ponders*

Rukun Negara Test

Yesterday I randomly read on The Sun (the free newspaper they give out every morning on the LRT) that they want us to take the Rukun Negara seriously.

Okay, so the question of the day to all my Malaysians is:

Do you remember the Rukun Negara?

Let's do this together.

Before you scroll down, type or write it out somewhere to see if you remember the Rukun Negara by heart.

Do not GOOGLE it. I repeat, NO GOOGLING.

And don't try to be clever by searching for it on another search engine either.

Please, cheating is so high school.

Let's see if I can remember it.

Are you ready?

Bahawasanya kami,
Rakyat Malaysia, berikrar,
Akan bla bla bla
Seluruh something
Untuk mencapai cita-cita tersebut:

Kepercayaan kepada Tuhan
Kesetiaan kepada negara
Keluhuran Perlembagaan
kedaulatan undang-undang
Kesopanan dan kesusilaan

Okay, so that's me reciting it without GOOGLE-ing it.

This is the googled answer:

MAKA KAMI, rakyat Malaysia, berikrar akan menumpukan seluruh tenaga dan usaha kami untuk mencapai cita-cita tersebut berdasarkan atas prinsip-prinsip berikut :

• KEPERCAYAAN KEPADA TUHAN
• KESETIAAN KEPADA RAJA DAN NEGARA
• KELUHURAN PERLEMBAGAAN
• KEDAULATAN UNDANG-UNDANG
• KESOPANAN DAN KESUSILAAN

Well, well, well it turns out I'm not so bad after all, EXCEPT I missed out the "raja" bit when it comes to my kesetiaan.

Some would say I darn right should miss it out because you know, the royalties are fucked up?

Heh Heh.

But that could get me into jail.

So, oops I missed out the "raja" in the "kesetiaan kepada" line! My bad!

Oh and I totally missed out the first few lines which I shall highlight below:

"MAKA KAMI, rakyat Malaysia, berikrar akan menumpukan seluruh tenaga dan usaha kami untuk mencapai cita-cita tersebut berdasarkan atas prinsip-prinsip berikut :"

Okay, in actuality, before the solemnly swearing bit there is a whole chunk of lines that I never knew were there:

BAHAWASANYA NEGARA KITA MALAYSIA mendukung cita-cita hendak :

• mencapai perpaduan yang lebih erat di kalangan seluruh masyarakatnya ;
• memelihara satu cara hidup demokratik ;
• mencipta satu masyarakat adil di mana kemakmuran Negara akan dapat dinikmati bersama secara adil dan saksama ;
• menjamin satu cara liberal terhadap tradisi-tradisi kebudayaannya yang kaya dan berbagai corak ; dan
• membina satu masyarakat progresif yang akan menggunakan sains dan teknologi moden.

What is written above is the Malaysian dream (or something along those lines I suppose).

But if you look closer there is probably one word that it has failed to achieve.

Spot it anybody?

The rest of those words are well, kinda sorta there in this country. Okay who am I kidding?

Then again, the point of this post is not to scrutinize the Rukun Negara and how it hasn't been properly achieved. I mean really the point of this post is not to say that all this is merely a facade. NO, NO, NO what a blasphemous thought that is, or rather, what an ISA/OSA arrest possibility this post would be! No, no, no.

The point of this post is just to see if we Malaysians even remember this damn thing.

So, do we?

I never even read the first bit when I was in primary school. All I remembered was the solemnly swearing bit and that's it.

So altogether there are 101 words to remember in the ENTIRE Rukun Negara.

I scored 25/101 (including for missing the word "dan" after "raja")

And what grade does that give me?

24.8% F-or fuck you. Worst. Malaysian. Ever.

Hmmm.

What did you guys score?

My Malaysian Wish

So I was reading Rocky's Bru today and couldn't help but react to the "Bengap minister" post.

No, I am not mad at all. Just tickled. Teehee.

It's so funny how the minister referred political b**ggers as "goblok".

I mean, goblok?

Ya udah deh kenapa si ngga bisa ngomong bahasa Malaysia?

I mean, if you want to kutuk the Malaysian political b**ggers, use a more clever word damn it!

In fact, kenapa tak guna bahasa Melayu terus?

Let us help our dear minister here boys and girls. What words could we possibly use instead of goblok?

Sigh.

It saddens me to know that this minister lacks vocabulary skills in our very own Bahasa Melayu. I mean, he had to use our neighboring country's language to express his feelings towards these people! It's as if Bahasa Melayu does not have any rude words to express anger. Bahlol. Tolol. Badigol. Bongok. Mangkuk. Begok (oh wait, that's Indonesian. Heh) .

Not that I mind people using Bahasa Indonesia but considering you're a minister, you don't say "goblok" when giving out comments to the press. You are BOUND to get scrutinized. And well at the end of the day, you're just making a fool out of yourself!

What examples are you setting to the people who idolize your position of power?

You make the government look stupid. I mean, goblok!

So in regards to MY wish for Malaysia, I say that prior to becoming a minister, candidates must sit for SPM level Bahasa Melayu (yes, with Prosa Klasik and all) and obtain at least a 4B in their grade or else...

Kau Boleh Blah!

You Never Know Who's Gonna Be In Your Living Room

I woke up this morning thinking it would be just another day.

Irregardless of me already used to it, I seriously hate waking up in the mornings. But nonetheless, I dragged myself out of bed like a slave to the working world. *Groan*

Squinting my eyes I walked out of my room towards the living room to head towards the bathroom. It was super dark and everything seemed calm. I switched on the lights and....

LO BEHOLD!

Hahaha. I swear I was fucking shocked to see this dude in my living room but well, I guess since my dad is in London right now he can be our replacement for awhile. Hahaha.

So just before I walked out the house to go to work I couldn't help but give my replacement dad a goodbye kiss.


See you later dad!

Malaysian Culture : Do We Even Have One?

As I was standing in queue to catch the train today I glanced over at the headline of this article the person in front of me was reading.

It wrote : "What are you?"

I think it was written by Rafidah Abdullah from Gol & Gincu (I'm not sure because I saw her face stamped on it so like maybe she wrote it or maybe it was about her? I don't know).

I also think that article was about how people who are of mixed parentage always get that question : what are you?

When you come from a mixed parentage, you get dual, triple or sometimes quadrapole cultural experiences. But then again it all depends on how much your parents want you to embrace your family heritage.

But many families of mixed parentage (as far as I know), would embrace whatever culture they can get because you know, culture makes one feel the sense of belonging towards a social group.

Rakella and I had an interesting conversation in her car the other day about the culture in Malaysia.

She asked me: what culture does Malaysia have?

In my opinion, Malaysia's culture is nothing like any other.

I mean, we all know we live in a multi-racial community but hey! so do many other countries in the world but one could argue that a country like America and United Kingdom have diluted most of their people's culture into something else altogether.

But hey! that is the answer : a culture is made of the common activities that a particular society does. I.e celebrating New Year means getting drunk and laid, or going to the mamak stall to have teh tarik, or having a good luck charm etc.

So Malaysia's culture is nothing like any other country because:

• Celebration : We celebrate all cultural celebrations and with major ones we even give holidays . I.e Chinese New Year, Wesak Day, Hari Raya, Deepavali, Christmas, Deepavali, Thaipusam etc. I mean, name me any other country in the world who would have this much public holidays for different races? United States? Please. We've got to be at least at top 5 in the list of countries with the most public holidays! That is our culture. Perpetually on holiday.

• Language : Most Malaysians can speak and/or at least understand more than one language. In urban KL, I think everyone can at least understand English and Malay (minus the foreigners of course) but of course if we go to the rural villages in East Malaysia, there is the possibility that they don't understand English. However, they would understand their own dialect and at least would be able to understand some basic Malay. Also, many rural Malays say they cannot speak English. I'm willing to give the benefit of the doubt for the older ones but the younger generation? It's not that they don't speak it it's just they are afraid they'd speak it wrongly. I mean, it's in the school syllabus damn it. Are you telling me you don't know a single word of English? LIES. ALL LIES. Broken pun, broken lah. At least can speaking a bit right? Heh.

• Food : Ah, how I love thee. This is probably one of the key aspects that make Malaysia oh so awesome. The first thing I answer when my Canadian friends ask me what I miss about Malaysia would always be FOOD. I mean, where else can you get such colorful choice of food? Of course in big cities like New York, London or Vancouver they have their little mini towns where you can get the ingredients of the food or even the same type of food but trust me, it ain't the same. The joy of watching the Mamak making your Roti Canai, the pakcik putting your uncooked satay on the grill, the uncle frying your Char Kuey Teow on the spot, or the makcik at Nasi Lemak Antrabangsa cutting your sambal sotong with the same pair of scissors she's been using for years is, sigh, priceless. You can't get that anywhere else but Malaysia.

• Attitude : The Malaysian Attitude. What is it? Are we rude? No, we're just afraid to be called nosy but we like to look at the scene (which actually, does make it seem rude). Are we always late? No, we blame it on the traffic and the fact that we know nobody is going to be on time because of it (heh). Are we open minded? We'd like to be but perhaps the censorship board is protecting us. Then again, I can't stand the sight of two gays making out. Hmmm. The Malaysian attitude. I think a lot of Malaysians are still confused as to which direction they'd like their mind to think due to exposure to many cultures and beliefs. Do you know what I mean? It's like, Hi I'm Malaysian and I grew up believing that it's okay to see the bomoh to make myself prettier but at the same time I would very much like to purchase that Prada purse I saw at KLCC. You know what I mean? It's like, I don't slow down to look at car accidents but I'll slow down to make sure my co-pilot takes a good look at it. Hehe. But hey, that is the Malaysian culture. Embrace it.

• Race : Ah, the race card. When have you never pulled it out. You may secretly admit it if you like but in the Malaysian culture, you must've at least once pulled out the race card (irregardless of you hating racists). Come on, don't lie that you don't get frustrated with the fact that Bumiputeras get all these privileges from the government and that they're not using it to their advantage or perhaps you're frustrated as to why if you're not Chinese you don't get a better discount when doing trading or when you see the irresponsible mat motor drive you'd yell something along the lines of "melayu bodoh" because you know, most of them are Malays anyway? Tsk Tsk. I could get into a lot of trouble for bringing up this issue but hey! It is our culture. We DO pull out the race card every now and then but so far, they are pretty harmless (as long as nobody hear's you it's okay right? or is it?) Sigh. Prejudice is amongst us all. Sad but true.
  

• Religion : Malaysia's official religion is Islam. I have no problems with that. In fact there should be no problems because we are tolerant enough to allow other races to practice any religion they want and at the same time we also do not imply our Islamic laws towards them when in some other Islamic countries, they would. Lucky!

After looking at the many aspects that makes the Malaysian culture, I've realized that we are what we call a blend of everything.

Maybe the tag line Malaysia "Truly Asia" is right.

We have after all, a large amount of Chinese and Indians that migrated here and they sure as hell play a big part of Asia (just look at how North Americans perceive what is Asian?). And not to mention a whopping amount of Indonesian descents of which we call Melayu now. If you really look properly the only people who should be called bumiputera are those who's ancestors have been here for more than 1000 years or something aka ORANG ASLI?

But you see, we are so tolerant we give face to those who migrate. Most of us Malaysians are migrate descents anyways.

Thus, the Malaysian culture is easily defined as a big GIANT Rojak : consists of different kinds of elements with different flavors and colors and has a unique taste to it.

Some may like it and some won't.

But we all can agree on one thing : we'll tolerate it.

Because we're Malaysians like that.

Selamat Petang Semua

Sudah lama saya tidak menulis dalam Bahasa Melayu.

Maklumlah, apabila di rumah saya lebih gemar dan biasa bertutur dan menulis dalam bahasa Inggeris.

Kepada mereka yang tidak memahami Bahasa Melayu, saya susun sepuluh jari dan meminta maaf kerana melakukan kerenah ini. Hehe.

Tujuan saya menulis dalam Bahasa Melayu pada hari yang mulia ini adalah untuk menghayati kelucuan bahasa ini. Terdapat pelbagai perkataan di dalam bahasa ini yang amat lucu dan sentiasa mencuit hati saya apabila saya mendengarinya.

Selain itu, terdapat juga ayat-ayat bahasa Melayu yang tidak dapat dihayati dalam bahasa lain yang membolehkan saya ketawa seperti pontianak.

Sebenarnya, saya sudah memakan masa dua hari untuk menghabiskan karangan ini. Ini kerana biasanya saya terlalu berfikiran dalam bahasa Inggeris apabila mempunyai inspirasi untuk menulis. Justeru itu, saya berkurang upaya untuk menyiapkan karangan ini dengan sebaik dan sepantas mungkin.

Baiklah, mari kita mulakan perkataan Bahasa Melayu yang saya rasa paling lucu didengari:

1. sasau - pertama kali saya mendengari perkataan ini ialah di tingkatan 2. Saya dapat mengetahui perkataan ini melalui kawan saya Ery. Kami terlalu bosan sehinggakan membawa keluar kamus Bahasa Melayu untuk digunakan sebagai bahan ketawa. Saya rasa kalau Dewan Bahasa membaca ini sudah pasti saya dimarahi dengan sepenuh hatinya.
2. kocek - perkataan ini agak pelik bagi saya. Saya berasa geli hati apabila mendengari perkataan ini saya pun tidak pasti kenapa. Tetapi untuk memahamkan mengapa saya ketawa bila mendengari perkataan ini, cuba anda baca : ko cek kocek kanan ko. Lucu kan?
3. kongkek - perkataan ini berasal dari Bahasa Melayu Pasar. Ia bermaksud "melakukan persetubuhan". Apa yang buat perkataan ini kelakar adalah apabila kita mendengari abang-abang motor bercerita sesama sendiri tentang sesi "kongkek" mereka bersama teman wanita mereka. Haish. Lucu betul.
4. kacip - perkataan terbaru yang saya pelajari ini berasal dari negeri Kelantan yang bermaksud (kalau tidak silap saya) khayal atau mabuk. Yang kelakarnya, terdapat satu produk yang digunakan untuk menaikkan kemahuan sorang wanita untuk berkongkek yang dinamakan Kacip Fatimah. Haha. Soalan cepung emas : siapakah Fatimah? (tetapi kalau saya bertanya soalan itu saya juga mahu tahu : siapakah Ali?) Hahaha. Aduhai sungguh lucu.
5. celanga - Haha. Pertama kali saya mendengari perkataan (dari filem Remp-it) ini saya tertawa terbahak-bahak. Sebenarnya, saya tidak tahu maksud "celanga". Tetapi apa saya memerhatikan adalah perkataan ini sentiasa dirujuki kepada seseorang yang tidak disukai oleh si pengguna perkataan tersebut. Oleh itu, mungkin "celanga" bermaksud "penyangak" atau "orang tidak guna". Kalau anda tahu maksud celanga, jangan malu-malu untuk berkongsi ilmu ya?
   

Kalau saya ingin menulis kesemua perkataan yang saya fikir lucu, ia akan memakan terlalu banyak masa (dan saya juga sudah semakin pening menulis dalam bahasa Melayu) oleh itu mari kita mulakan dengan ayat-ayat bahasa Melayu yang saya amat gemari:

1. apa barang baiiiiiii? - ayat ini kalau diterjemahkan dalam bahasa Inggeris tidak dapat difikiri sebagai lucu. Ini kerana bahasa Inggeris tidak mempunyai intonasi yang menarik seperti bahasa Melayu. Apabila kita berkata "apa barang baaaaaiiiii", perkataan "baaaaiii" itu harus ditarik beberapa saat dan suara kita juga harus berbunyi seperti abang-abang motor. Jika tidak disebuti begini, maka cara anda berkata ayat ini tidak menjadi.
2. lek lu doohhhh - maksud ayat ini adalah "tunggu sebentar" tetapi bunyi "tunggu sebentar" itu tidak selancar bunyi "lek lu doh" maka hilanglah sebab untuk kami berkata "tunggu sebentar" sebaliknya kami menggunakan ayat "lek lu doh". Haha.

Oleh kerana kesuntukan masa dan juga kepeningan kepala, saya sudah tidak berupaya untuk menulis dalam bahasa Melayu lagi. Maka izinkan saya mengakhiri karangan ini.

Saya berharap anda dapat memahami dan menghayati karangan ini yang mengdokumentasikan betapa lucunya bahasa Melayu boleh menjadi. Anda juga patut berlatih menggunakan bahasa ini kerana ia adalah bahasa yang agak unik dan disamping menggunakan bahasa ini, jangan sesekali lupa menghayatinya sekali ya?

Sekian, terima kasih.

Naz Simpson

I'm not a huge fan of the Simpson's but I thought this was cool. That's supposed to be me, Simpsonized.

I got it from Sharizal who I must say, looks a lot like his cartoon character (features wise). Hehe.

So Simpsonize yourself here!