Trial & Error 2 - Personality Changes Detected

About a year ago I took this online personality test and posted it on my blog. I told myself I'd take it again to see if I have changed. Let's see:

This is me, last year.

Advanced Global Personality Test Results Extraversion 50% Stability 73% Orderliness 50% Accommodation 30% Interdependence 50% Intellectual 63% Mystical 63% Artistic 70% Religious 90% Hedonism 63% Materialism 50% Narcissism 63% Adventurousness 83% Work ethic 43% Self absorbed 76% Conflict seeking 63% Need to dominate 36% Romantic 10% Avoidant 50% Anti-authority 36% Wealth 56% Dependency 23% Change averse 43% Cautiousness 56% Individuality 76% Sexuality 76% Peter pan complex 76% Physical security 76% Physical Fitness 24% Histrionic 10% Paranoia 50% Vanity 83% Hypersensitivity 16% Female cliche 63%

And this is me this year.

Advanced Global Personality Test Results Extraversion 60% Stability 43% Orderliness 46% Accommodation 30% Interdependence 63% Intellectual 50% Mystical 50% Artistic 70% Religious 70% Hedonism 56% Materialism 30% Narcissism 50% Adventurousness 63% Work ethic 43% Self absorbed 63% Conflict seeking 63% Need to dominate 50% Romantic 16% Avoidant 63% Anti-authority 43% Wealth 43% Dependency 30% Change averse 63% Cautiousness 50% Individuality 70% Sexuality 63% Peter pan complex 43% Physical security 90% Physical Fitness 37% Histrionic 36% Paranoia 63% Vanity 63% Hypersensitivity 16% Female cliche 63%

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personality tests by similarminds.com

Holy crap. I've changed! I've changed? Hmmm.

According to what I see, there are some drastic changes in certain things but also no changes in a few others.

12 categories have increased in percentage, 15 have decreased and 6 remained the same.

Things I'm suprised about:

• 30% decrease in stability. YIKES, I'm apparently losing control.
• 20% decrease in adventurousness. Probably due to the fact that I'm feeling lazy and jaded.
• 20% increase in change averseness. Oh dear, I'm getting old and routined.
• 33% drop in Peter Pan Complex. I've apparently grown up. Not much of a kid no more.
• 26% increase in Histrionic. Wow. I didn't know I want to be the center of attention and want things my way nowadays.
• 20% drop in vanity. Apparently scoring low on vanity shows me as a less of a materialistic person. Man, I think I've grown up or something.
• 6% increase in romantic. What?
• 13% drop in intellectualness. Am I getting dumber? Oh dear.

Things I'm not suprised about:

• 20% drop in religousness. Alas, this is true as hell.
• A maintained value on artistic. Thank God.
• 14% increase in Physical Security. Yes, I do love my body these days.
• A maintained value on female cliche. Some things never change. Hehe.
• 13% decrease in narcissism. Probably cause I don't look in the mirror as much.
• 13% increase in avoidant. Yeah, I'm becoming an anti-social.
• 7% increase in anti-authority. Ha! totally.

Things I'm happy to see:

• I'm less self-absorbed
• My peter pan complex has dropped which means I'm growing up
• I'm more secure with my body
• I'm still artistic
• I'm maintaining the level of conflict that I seek
• I'm not as vain as I used to be

Things that I'm not so happy to see:

• My drastic drop in stability which means I'm getting out of balance which is NOT GOOD
• My drastic drop in religiousness, but then again that can't be helped what with the lifestyle I live these days
• Increase in avoidant has got me worried about me. It's bad to run away too much
• My decrease in adventurousness. What's wrong with me? I used to love taking risks.
• My increase on the need to live in routine. Maybe this is why I'm so jaded. Because I live in routine that everything just, blah.
• My deacrease and increase in dependency and individuality shows that I'm not as independent as I used to be. Then again, i'm contradicting myself because I'm so avoidant.

Ergh.

Overall, according to this test I think I'm growing up so I'm more serious now but at the same time I'm having some sort of risk taking withdrawal syndrome and insecurity problems. But how can that be possible if I'm so satisfied with my physical self? Je ne comprend pas! c'est bizare! Mais je pense que c'est vrai, growing up is a drag.

Putain!

Dream Interpretations

I don't exactly believe in dream interpretations. But I do enjoy reading about the interpretations given because it helps me think about what I truly am thinking about sub-consciously.

Last night, I had the weirdest dream ever. Well, it wasn't creepy or scary. It wasn't fun or crazy either. It was just, whoa.

I'm not going to go into detail with my dream cos its WAY too complicated, but I found these few elements in my dream and this website helped interpreted it for me.

Airplanes
To see an airplane in your dream, indicates that you will overcome your obstacles and rise above to a new level of prominence and status. You may experience a higher consciousness, new-found freedom and greater awareness.

Water
To see water in your dream, symbolizes your unconscious and your emotional state of mind. Water is the living essence of the psyche and the flow of life energy. It is also symbolic of spirituality, knowledge, healing and refreshment. If the water is calm, clear, then it signifies that you are in tune with your spirituality. It denotes serenity, peace of mind, and rejuvenation. If you are splashed by water, then it represents your need to be revitalized and more expressive. To dream that water is boiling, suggests that you are expressing some emotional turmoil. It also may mean that feelings from your unconscious are surfacing and ready to be acknowledged.

Alley
To see an alley in you dream, suggests that you have limited options. Alternatively, it indicates that you may be sidetracked due to domestic duties and find yourself in a dilemma.

To dream that you are walking through an alley, represents that you may be walking into a dead-end or that you have taken a short cut in life. It also may denote that your reputation is in jeopardy.

Barefoot
To dream that you are barefoot, represents your playful attitudes and relaxed, carefree attitude. You have a firm grasp and good understanding on a situation. Alternatively, it mean indicate poverty, lack of mobility, or misunderstanding.

Naked
To see a naked person in your dream and you are disgusted by it, signifies some anxiety about discovering the naked truth about that person or situation. It may also foretell of an illicit love affairs, loss of prestige and scandalous activities. On the other hand, if you do not have any problem with another's nudity, then it implies that you see through people and accept them for who and what they are.


Airport
To see a busy airport in your dream, signifies the desire for freedom, high ideals, ambition, and hopes. It is an indication that you are approaching a new departure in your life. Some new idea is taking off or is ready to take off. You may be experiencing a new relationship, new career path or new adventure.

To dream of a deserted airport, indicates that your travel plans will be changed or delayed.

Escape
To dream that you escape from jail or some place of confinement, signifies your need to escape from a restrictive situation or attitude. On the other hand, it may mean that you are taking an escapist attitude and are refusing to face up to problems that are not going away.

To dream that you escape from injury, from an animal, or from any situation, signifies your good health and prosperity. You will experience a favorable turn of events.

Sleeping
To dream that you are sleeping, denotes peace of mind. Alternatively, it may also mean that you are ignorant and not fully aware of the conditions and circumstances around you. If you are sleeping with a stranger, suggests that you are avoiding some issue or situation that is being symbolized by the stranger. Perhaps you are refusing to recognize a negative aspect of yourself.

To see others sleeping, is often a reflection of yourself and your own unconscious mind. It is indicative of how you may not be alert or informed about a particular situation.

Sleeping may also be synonymous with death in that it beckons renewal and new beginnings.

Wind
To dream of blowing winds, symbolizes your life force, energy, and vigor. It reflects changes in your life.

To dream of strong or gusty winds, represents turmoil and trouble for you. You are experiencing much stress in some waking situation.

Police
To see the police in your dream, indicates some failure to perform or to honor obligations and commitments. The police also symbolize structure, rules, and control. A more direct interpretation of seeing the police in your dream forewarns that you should avoid reckless behavior.

To dream that you are arrested by the police, suggests that you feel sexually or emotionally restrained because of guilt.

To dream that you are a police officer, represents your own sense of morality and conscience. The dream may serve to guide you down a straight path. If you have recurring dreams that you are a police officer, then it may mean that your past actions have left you feeling guilty. Consider your behavior/actions as the cop.

To dream that you are having difficulties contacting the police, suggests that you have yet to acknowledge your own authoritativeness in a situation. You need to take control and be in command of the direction of your life.

Hotel
To see a hotel in your dream, signifies a new state of mind or a shift in personal identity. You need to move away from your old habits and old way of thinking. Or you feel the need to temporarily escape from your daily life.

Pistol
To dream that you are aiming a pistol, denotes that you are trying to target a specific goal. However, if the overtones of the dream is that of fear, anger and aggression, then the pistol signifies power by which you need to defend yourself against the fear and anger.

Flying
To dream that you are flying, signifies a sense of freedom where you had initially felt restricted and limited.

Bet you want to know more about your dreams now! Enjoy! :)

Growing Up is a Drag

Once in awhile i'd wake up in the morning and i'd have that grotesque expression on my face. The kind of face that says "fuck! life is shitty!" it doesn't usually happen but when it does it sure does make me an angry person. Nothing seems right and everything seems like it should be burned or thrown from the highest peak of a mountain. But i know that ONE THING will cheer me up in an instant: my kid cousins.

You see, i am the 2nd eldest cousin and eldest female cousin amongst my lovable cousins so evidently, i go through the shitty shit before they have to (when I mean shitty I mean all the responsibility of finding your own money and bla bla bla).
Don't get me wrong, life as an adult isn't THAT shitty. I think the fact that I can vote is fabulous. I know its only ONE vote but I think it counts. Anyways, back to my cousins. They're still young, living with their parents doing all those things young kids should do. If its one thing i regret : its to grow up too fast.

Clubbing at 13 may have seemed cool back then. The thrill that your parents didn't know you snuck out, the thrill that you could actually get in to a club, the thrill of sneaking back into the house at night after a night of partying! so many thrills! but now that I'm 21 i realize that I've become bored of it all. Now, I can go out as I please and do practically anything I want and Papa or Mama won't say much. Yes, there are those constant "what time are you coming back" and "be careful" phrases but I no longer hear those words that truly got to me when I was younger: NO. sigh.

Now, life is all about decisions. No silver platter for me to pick and choose. Unfortunately that luxury is long gone because as an adult you make your own decisions. Your parents are hopeless. In a few years, they'll be depending on you. Oh how life is SUCH a circle.

My kid cousins still have a few years before they have to face that. For now, they'd complain about school and how boring it is and wish they were my age. But to me, I wish I was their age. Perhaps that feng shui master I met the other night is right. I am childish. But as a childish adult, at least I know that life is not all sunshine and dandylions. Its also about sacrifice, patience and determination. I've woken up and smelt the coffee. Even though coffee smells good it sure does taste bitter. Perhaps thats why lots of adults like coffee? Because they know life tastes bitter?

I'm currently at one of my lower peaks. But that doesn't mean I don't feel like i'm on top of the world. I'm at Mount Kinabalu. Soon I will return to you, Everest.

Person X

I recently bumped into an old friend whom I hadn't seen in ages.

It was weird and awkward at first. I mean, two years of not talking is a bit extreme considering how close I used to be to this person.

But we caught up and well, it's still strange.

It's amazing how a person can change another person's life. This person I met had changed mentally in so many ways because of another person but still physically looked the same. It's strange.

People are telling me to be wary of this friend of mine and I guess I should because we didn't lose touch for no apparent reason. There was a reason. A reason which could have been easily avoided yet this friend of mine chose to fuck it up. It made me realize what kind of person this person is though. The kind of person that takes another person for granted.

See, it's not easy becoming friends with me. Technically, I'm an introvert. Although many would say I'm an extrovert, I'm really not. I can't really just talk to anybody. But once I let my guard down all hell WILL break loose. I don't know if that's a good thing but hey! I think I have some people who enjoy my company. (I sound like Tyra, EW.)

With this person, I let my guard down completely. And well, this person just took me for granted. And it didn't help that this person was someone I was totally in love with (at one point).

I'm not going to say who this person is but for those who are close to me, you know.

And if that person ever reads this, well, I'm glad we're friends again but I'm really afraid to be too close to you. You fucked it up in the past. It's not easy for me to say it's all good now especially because it's YOU. You really managed to crack my stone cold heart and trust me, that ISN'T easy. So be warned : it's going to take some time for us to be exactly like how it was in the past. And if you ever fuck it up again that's the end of it all. You can die in a ditch somewhere and I will not care.

I'm sorry, but I am frank.

X