Sunday, October 15, 2006
1) I can never seem to pen anything down when I sit in the cybercafé so here I am at home typing what I feel on my brother’s computer.
It’s not easy when so many tests come to you.
Even though it comes to someone around you, you feel it too. You worry because you care.
Some may think I’m a heartless bitch due to my bluntness. But it does not mean I don’t care. Even if I’m not all touchy feely, it doesn’t mean that I don’t care. As a matter of fact, I do.
It’s like a defense mechanism. If you show you care too much it makes you weak. And who wants to show their weaknesses? Not me.
We try to fix or conceal our weaknesses as much as possible so that we don’t become targets of those who are capable of taking advantage of us. We act tough when we know we’re just afraid that we’ll get hurt. Maybe we don’t want to conform because we don’t want to drown in the crowds. Maybe we choose to stand out because we feel we need to be seen, heard, known and understood. Maybe we say we don’t care but deep in that heart of ours we know that if we care it hurts more. Yeah, perhaps.
I’m not about to list down all my weaknesses but I will say this: I can’t stand to see people around me get hurt. It hurts me one way or the other. This is my weakness.
Maybe it’s a really bad weakness but I can’t help it.
So don’t think that I don’t care. And again, just because I don’t say it doesn’t mean I don’t feel it. I care okay?
So please people, take care of yourselves. I CARE. It hurts to see you guys suffer.
I hope shit like what happened recently won’t happen in my world again.
2) Why do people do things out of spite and jealousy? What drives us to commit terrible acts like murder and whatever on others? JEALOUSY? SPITE?
Pour quoi?
I hate jealousy. I think it’s a weakness we must learn to overcome.
Without jealousy there would be fewer murders, less angry people and less people committing spiteful acts. But how do we get rid of jealousy? Do people do spiteful things because they feel it will satisfy their acts of jealousy?
People are strange that way.
God is quite the tester and I for one have been tested quite a few times in my life. But so far, it has not come to the extreme extents that I have seen happen to others.
Then I wonder why are people jealous of them? Is it because it seems that their life is perfect and the one who is jealous wishes for that life and therefore creates malice to make the so-called lucky one unhappy? Is the so-called lucky one a victim in this situation? Or perhaps, the so-called lucky one is not so much of a victim? Maybe he/she had actually been going towards a self destructive direction and therefore God (or whatever force you believe in) decided to send a wake up call for the so-called lucky one? Maybe that’s why the shittiest shit has happened to them? Eh?
Do you believe in wake up calls?
Again, that will lead to the question of fate. I think too much.
Sigh.
Labels: Thoughts of 2006
