Growing Up is a Drag

Once in awhile i'd wake up in the morning and i'd have that grotesque expression on my face. The kind of face that says "fuck! life is shitty!" it doesn't usually happen but when it does it sure does make me an angry person. Nothing seems right and everything seems like it should be burned or thrown from the highest peak of a mountain. But i know that ONE THING will cheer me up in an instant: my kid cousins.

You see, i am the 2nd eldest cousin and eldest female cousin amongst my lovable cousins so evidently, i go through the shitty shit before they have to (when I mean shitty I mean all the responsibility of finding your own money and bla bla bla).
Don't get me wrong, life as an adult isn't THAT shitty. I think the fact that I can vote is fabulous. I know its only ONE vote but I think it counts. Anyways, back to my cousins. They're still young, living with their parents doing all those things young kids should do. If its one thing i regret : its to grow up too fast.

Clubbing at 13 may have seemed cool back then. The thrill that your parents didn't know you snuck out, the thrill that you could actually get in to a club, the thrill of sneaking back into the house at night after a night of partying! so many thrills! but now that I'm 21 i realize that I've become bored of it all. Now, I can go out as I please and do practically anything I want and Papa or Mama won't say much. Yes, there are those constant "what time are you coming back" and "be careful" phrases but I no longer hear those words that truly got to me when I was younger: NO. sigh.

Now, life is all about decisions. No silver platter for me to pick and choose. Unfortunately that luxury is long gone because as an adult you make your own decisions. Your parents are hopeless. In a few years, they'll be depending on you. Oh how life is SUCH a circle.

My kid cousins still have a few years before they have to face that. For now, they'd complain about school and how boring it is and wish they were my age. But to me, I wish I was their age. Perhaps that feng shui master I met the other night is right. I am childish. But as a childish adult, at least I know that life is not all sunshine and dandylions. Its also about sacrifice, patience and determination. I've woken up and smelt the coffee. Even though coffee smells good it sure does taste bitter. Perhaps thats why lots of adults like coffee? Because they know life tastes bitter?

I'm currently at one of my lower peaks. But that doesn't mean I don't feel like i'm on top of the world. I'm at Mount Kinabalu. Soon I will return to you, Everest.