Catch-22

Ah, history. Everybody has a history. Whether good or bad, we all have one.

A lot of people dislike history. They find it to be dull, boring, and pointless.

But in reality, history is so important.

It helps us learn from people's past mistakes and helps us understand why we are the way we are and why we are where we are today. You'd think with all the history we've learned from the world we'd finally manage to get "it" right.

But of course, there's just too much history to be remembered if we wanted to remember it all.

So the question is : which history is important to remember?

Sigh.

In 22 days, Malaysia will have had 50 years of Independence. That is quite the historical moment isn't it?

It should be.

I mean, think about it, 50 years ago a bunch of men got on a boat (because Tunku Abdul Rahman wanted to instead of flying because he wanted to ponder or something) to go to England to ask for our Independence.

When our Independence was granted he and his crew flew back to Malaysia (then Tanah Melayu) to tell the people that we were granted our Independence and the official date would be 31st August 1957.

It all happened at the Stadium Merdeka. And Tunku Abdul Rahman shouted at the stroke of midnight, with all his might "Merdeka! Merdeka! Merdeka!" and the sea of people chanted along.

Wow.

I wonder how the energy felt like at that moment in time. I wonder if they really felt that "freedom" that was fought for. I wonder if they had that feeling of appreciation because they now had the chance to decide what was best for themselves without any colonizers restricting them. I wonder if at that moment in time, they envisioned ways to make this country a better place.

There are so many wonders that I have concerning what happened during that moment in time, but my biggest wonder is alas, about the upcoming future (22 days in the future to be exact):

I wonder if we, the current generation would actually feel any of those feelings those people might have had?

Would we?

And if we have it, will we flaunt it? Are we proud enough to tell the world that we are, Malaysians?

I have 22 days to figure out whether I really am proud to be Malaysian.

I've never really penned it down directly on my fuckspot you know? I mean I have always said I love my country and that there's all these great and unique things about it and one could/would obviously assume that I am proud to be Malaysian too right?

Well, I guess I am.

But one shouldn't be guessing, one should be certain. This is why I've been writing a lot about things that are Malaysia related. I mean, I even wrote in Malay damn it! Like hello! that is a big step trust me.

In general, this fuckspot covers issues that come to my mind. And most of the time it ranges from social to love to bitching to global to whatever issues that have happened around my the world you know? Hehe.

But this month, it's different. It'll mostly be about Malaysia.

It's to help me see what I really think of this country and whether it is sided towards me being proud, or embarrassed.

So this is my quest for the next 22 days : Am I, Nadzirah Hashim Natt, REALLY proud to be Malaysian?

Perhaps you guys may be able to help me. Or if you are not sure too, we can help each other!

The thing is, to be proud to be Malaysian is to be able to say it out loud. To be able to be willing to defend the country when it is in need. To be able to appreciate all the great things our leaders have given us. To be able to contribute business to boost the countries economy. To be able to remember the Rukun Negara and the national anthem by heart and sing it with might.

But what do we do when the country itself has not fulfilled its side of the bargain?

Are we still going to be proud of the fact that the censorship board is so strict? Are we still going to be proud when there is an obvious one-sided party domination in this country? Are we still going to be proud that we are one of the two countries in South East Asia who are so rigidly controlled by our own government so much so it doesn't really like we're living in a democracy?Are we still going to be proud that we are lacking ambitious leaders to lead us tomorrow?

Which one outweighs the other?

Malaysia has its good and bad and to be proud to be a citizen of this country would mean embracing both the negatives and the positives.

And that is not easy.

But we'll see which one outweighs the other.

*Ponders*